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January
1 - Up early afternoon! . . . PS popped in on his way to shop at GardinerHaskins so I went too for a look around . . . back home alone to settle down and watch/videotape 'Macbeth' on TV. TVd all evening till early. (4/10)
2 - Up with the alarm at eight o'clock to try and force on a more usual sleep pattern . . . meditated for only ten minutes or so!! . . .PCd . . . SH popped in with his Land Rover toy! Coffee and chats and then out for a drive. Up around Tog Hill in torential rain! Good to be 'out'. Down by the Lock and weir and the gear box got 'twitchy' as he experimented looking for low range. Drove back to SH with me holding the gear lever and MAKING it stay in gear!!! Thankfully the fault cleared as we parked up. Coffee and chats with DH then dropped off home. . . hastily printed a copy of Christmas Day and posted it to M/D . . . quick sausage and chips for tea and then got the bike out and rode up to Kingswood and gave blood . . . phoned Sis1 to touch base. She's got the electrician coming tomorrow! . . . TVd . . .PCd till 2 a.m. (4/10)
3 - Up at eight . . .meditated . . . went to the library and shopped . . . M/D phoned to confirm receipt of my letter . . . TVd . . .ML phoned to touch base . . . felt SO tired all day . . . PCd till early. (3/10)
4 - Up late woken by M/D on the phone telling how Sis1 electricians have turned up today and all looks well. It was a short in the hob . . . PS phoned asking me to help with moving his sofa! Popped over on the bike and sat around for hours. The charity turned up but couldn't take the old one because it wasn't fire retardant and the law says it must be!!!! What a waste!! It'll probably be thrown away! Eventually not needed and after having had a jolly good go on his dogs, I returned home . . . IHB rang and popped over for pleasant chats and drinks. He drank loads - well everything I had in the house really, and then cycled home without lights!!!? I just stayed on coffee and smokes . . . PCd till early. Not enough hours in the day! (4/10)
5 - Up late . . . slept much of the day away thank goodness. Very down. So much for a brave optimistic new year.Four days was it!!! . . . .TVd . . .PCd till early with SA. (2/10)
6 - Up real late again . . . weather not too bad so I took the opportunity and changed the plugs, oil and filter and adjusted the 'tappets' and cam chain tensioner on the bike - all the while having to endure incredibly loud music coming from the idiots house opposite yet again! Louder than I would have had a radio right next to me!! Selfish self centred bastards. Went for a test ride - the engine is MUCH quieter - 90mph on the ring road! Sure does go some for an ugly little thing. Fun. . . . stopped in at D&SH for a coffee . . . SH rang later to suggest the computer fair tomorrow. Why not. . . . TVd . . . PCd (4/10)
7 - Meditated . . . SH popped round and we went to the computer fare. Bought some black printer ink refills . . . TVd . . . bit up and down moodwise. Feeling very avoidant. (3/10)
8 - Disturbed sleep . . . M/D came up. Phoned Sis2 to sing Happy Birthday but she was out. Went to Sis1 and dad ended up fixing a wonky kitchen cabinet door front and other bits and pieces. I 'amused' myself refixing the outside tap to the wall! At least the elctricians did their job and her cooker is all working ok. Went to the Harvester for a meal. It was the waitress' first night. Amazing person. I could NEVER do such a job . . . back to Sis1 for chats in front the fire before home . . . Sis2 phoned briefly! Her car battery had died and she had broken down. She'd managed to get the car going again. She couldn't talk long cause she had left the car outside her apartment with the engine running!! She had to rush off and try and buy and fit a new battery. Some birthday present!!! . . . TVd . . .M/D phoned to confirm home safe . . . PCd till early . . . phoned Sis2 about 02:30 to confirm all was ok. (3/10)
9 - PCd . . . slept . . . watched the eclipse of the moon in the eastern sky. A bit cloudy but visible nonetheless . . . watched the BBC1 'Black Dog' program. Cried. I have no need to end it all. I'm already dead. Have been for years. How come all these people who are MORE functional than I, get help, and yet all I get is a f*****g meditation group that is no help at all? I give up. . . . PCd till early.(2/10)
10 - Disturbed dream laden sleep . . . woken late by the postman. He needed a signature but suddenly I didn't want to 'sign' the eletronic pad and instead insisted on signing a piece of paper. Where would my electronic signature have ended up?!!!!!Paranoia! . . . DS had sent me a parcel of goodies!!!!! Must have cost him a fortune - SUCH generosity!!! Feel guilty I can't reciprocate. Played on the PC for a few hours with the webcam. Nice toy.Oh dear - I'll have a wardrobe crisis just to sit in front the PC now. Must do my hair and trim my beard! . . . PCd . . .slept . . . TVd . . . PCd chatting to SA till early. (3/10)

11 - Up real late after loads of sleep . . . bought the paper and had a look at the jobs. Phoned for an application form. Who am I kidding!!! . . . PCd and spent hours experimenting with live webcam broadcasts!!!!!! But why? Because I can?!!!!! . . .TVd. Went out in the -4 windchill for fish and chips . . . PCd till early with more webcam experiments. . . . phoned Sis2 at about 3a.m. and she had just got some promising news about a job!!!! Yay!!!! Suggested she wake M/D up. 'Good' news (maybe) is rare!! Went to bed about 4a.m. and then M/D phoned!! (3/10)
12 - Woken about midday!! by M/D touching base. . . application form received in the post . . .restless but -4 with windchill - can't face going out . . . PCd. . . chatted with SA . . . TVd . . .PS popped in with chocolate hobnobs for chats till early . . . PCd. (4/10)
13 - Cold but sunny day . . . PCd chatting with TS on MSN . . . neighbour dropped in the two bottles of white wine they'd promised me cause they didn't want them. Ithankyou! . . . rode the bike to PC world. Very cold!! Checked out the price of the webcam. Wow - THAT much!!!! Looked for extension leads for the cam but they were SO expensive I just couldn't . . . parking the bike up I noticed the front of the bay window is just falling to bits. Loads of work and needed SOON!!!!! . . . PCd chatting to SA on AOL IM . . . TVd . . . PCd. (4/10)
14 - PCd . . . got the software working and 'chatted' to Sis2 . . . chatted to SA and got into some weird disagreement of viewpoints somehow?!! I guess that'll be that then. . . . TVd . . . PCd . . .TVd till early. (2/10)
15 - Up early!! . . . PCd . . . M/D phoned to say auntie B. was unwell and had been to hospital!!! . . . CW phoned and revealed things aren't too good and she has to go back to hospital tomorrow!!!!! . . . Jeeze!! I guess with no kids or life of my own I've reached an age where the only news I can expect is bad news. Jeeze!!! . . . used dads hedge trimmer and trimmed all the trees at the bottom of the garden. Yet again someone has been using the lane as a dumping ground for their rubbish/rubble and it was difficult to get the bin round! Very tempted to 'leaflet' all the houses in the street and ask them not to dump in the lane! Better not I suppose - it would be bound to end in unpleasantness. Selfish inconsiderate b******s! . . . PCd till early, chatting to RJ on Yahoo for the first time for a bit and then SA - I guess that isn't that then. (3/10)
16 - Up around 9:30 but feel as though I've no life in me again. Feel SO cold!! . . . TVd . . . PCd. E-mailed ML and said I couldn't make the pub tonight. I just can't face it/haven't the energy!! . . .thought appropriately about CW back in hospital . . . TVd. Tough day. Mood lightened 'slightly' towards evening.. . . IHB phoned asking if I knew a supplier for duty free tobacco because his had 'ceased trading'! Hardly!! (2/10)
17 - PCd ALL day!!! . . . had a kebab . . . TVd . . . PCd till early.(3/10)
18 - Balanced my accounts . . .PCd till early playing with JavaScript. At three in the morning I suddenly realised I've lost my sound!!!! Shit!!! . . . re-instaled the SoundBlaster drivers and all ok by 03:30. What a relief! Bed about 4am! (4/10)
19 - Up real late with a big headache! . . . PCd all day doing my JavaScript 'Take-Your-Prozac' game and trying to fix bugs without knowing the language!!! Got there in the end - I think? . . .walked to PS for a beer, coffee and chat. Had a quick chat with MO who I passed on the way. . . Walked home about 01:30. Bright, clear sky, freezing cold, ice on everything . . . PCd.(4/10)
20 - Shopped. Bought a cheap USB extension lead for the webcam . . . feel ok-ish . . PCd doing the smoking Java game! . . . TVd . . . PCd looking into the world of other people web cams. Very strange and bizarre. Didn't feel tired and ended up surfing all night!!!(5/10)
21 - Finally went to bed at about 9am!!!!!!! Up again mid afternoon . . . TVd . . . PCd . . . ML called to touch base. M/D called to touch base - Sis2's situation is 'less' happy!!-auntie B. is better. . . PCd modifying the webcam page. (4/10)
22 - PCd of course, what else!!! . . . chatted with SA and then NH with webcams! . . .PCd till about 3:30am. (4/10)
23 - Woken around 10am by Uncle T leaving a message on the ansaphone to say he'd enjoyed reading some of my writings! Touched base with M/D to see which ones. Phoned Uncle T back and awkwardly said thank you and - I don't know what!! Felt very embarassed!! . . . PCd briefly but not in the mood . . . went shopping in the pouring rain and storms. Spent far too much!! Couldn't resist a couple of as new, black, police style pullovers in the charity shop for 3.50 each . . . TVd . . . ML popped in to deliver a heap of the carpet tiles he'd said I could have for the conservatory, that were being thrown away 'at work'. Nice expensive tiles! Wish I had more to do the computer/bedroom!! . . . LB phoned. Popped up as requested to look at how to remove the sliding door she wants to get rid of. It was easy, just a couple of screws, so I did it there and then and left it in her front garden . . . TVd . . . Seem to have lots of slushy emotions bubbling near the surface again. Had to avoid a couple of different emotion evoking TV programs to save myself from crying!!!???? Weirdo! . . . PCd. TERRIBLE connection problems. Someone wanted to chat but I missed their identity and then the connection broke!!!!!!!!!! Come back!!!!!!! It wasn't me, it was my PC!!!!!!!!! DAMN . . . who was that!!! Now the whole Yahoo website seems to be down!!!! Oh dear . . . (3/10)
24 - Up with my alarm at 10am . . . clear skys and sun - a break in the storms. Went on the bike to Shirehampton to look at the camper van ML said he had seen for sale. Old but in good condition-seats hardly worn, but petrol not deisel! No good for me! . . . Stopped at the sea wall overlooking the Clifton Suspension Bridge for a cigarette in the sun. Played with traffic on the motorway on the way home - DAMN!! Speedo has stopped working! . . . stopped in at S&DH for a brief coffee and chats . . . almost back at home, the guy up the road who used to have a CX500 motorcycle was out in his garden working on a car. Finally I had the nerve!! Pulled up and apologised for interrupting him and asked if he had any old spares lieing around he didn't want. He did! Loads of them!!! He said I could have them for NOTHING if I popped back in on Saturday! Woweee!!!!!!!! Hope he meant it. Left my speedo problem for another day. . . PCd. Loads of trouble getting reliable connections with the Cable ISP!!! (4/10)
25 - Up late . . . spent hours downloading and installing the software update for the webcam only to find it wouldn't work! Took it all off again and re-installed the old. Used an old shower wall fitting to make a slightly better base for the cam . . . still having trouble getting a reliable connection with the Cable ISP!!!! I'm paying for this!!! . . . PS popped in for chats till early . . . PCd till 7am!!!! (4/10)
26 - Up very late! Nasty headache . . . PCd and took Anadin tablets!! . . . went for a kebab . . . PCd still with a headache. Eventually the headache went and somehow I stayed on the PC all night!!! (3/10)
27 - By midday I figured enough was enough and it was time to turn the PC off!!!!!!!!?? . . . went up the road and got all the bike bits as promised. Yay! He didn't want anything for it all so I forced him to take a few pouches of tobacco. Cleaned myself up . . . ate and fell asleep for a couple of hours in the chair . . . TVd - watched all the memorial programs . . . cried lots.
Today is the first British memorial day for the Holocaust.
PCd . . . trouble with the cable ISP server yet again meant I couldn't really do anything!! Ended up trying to instal the new webcam software again. Very confusing. Eventually succeeded in setting up an account on Spotlife but I'm not sure I really want one there . . . didn't feel as tired as I should and finally went to bed at 4am again?!!!! (3/10)
28 - Up early afternoon after loads of sleep!! . . . PCd and played on the webcam till early. (4/10)
29 - PCd . . . yet again the cable ISP is providing an intermittent service at best!!!! Driving me crazy. And then I receive a load of e-mails from someone also having troubles, one of them about two weeks old!!!!!! They must have thought me SO rude not to have replied!!!!! BLOODY computers!!!!!! . . . PCd till 6am!!! (4/10)
30 - Up late of course . . . don't feel very well! . . . PCd . . . couldn't be bothered to cook so went to the chip shop for fish and chips. Only managed half . . . PCd - trying to get connected - getting thrown off - trying to get connected etc, etc!! . . . touched base with Sis2 on the phone in the early hours . . . to bed about 4am. (4/10)
31 - Nothing new, same old thing PCd . . .Couple of IM chats to strangers. Reminds me of Ham Radio!!! . . . experimented with a one way 'NetMeeting'. (4/10)
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