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- Up around 8:15am. 18C in, 14C out. Grey. . . walked BGdns in occasional light showers and ultimately ended up down the harbour under the old fish market roof for my coffee. Eventually back through town via a couple of stores for a few supplies . . . aimlessly sat around miserable/PCd/TVd another day off . . . drank some Baileys and cooked up beef mince, onion and rice for Bella. Eventually mixed half with her complete biscuit and she ate most . . . ate two ham finger rolls with crisps and coleslaw and later three jam tarts, banana and biscuits . . . TVd until to bed at 1am.
30 - Broken sleep then up around 7:30am. 17C in, 12C out. Sunny. . .walked BGdns feeling very down . . cut my hair. . mum called in with food donations and a pork pie treat for Bella, which she woofed straight down even together with some complete biscuit . . PCd/TVd . . napped . . .TVd as rain arrived . .Bella ate most of a bowl of her food mixed with a little of the beef stew . . ate the last bit of stew, cold, with a spoon straight from the pressure cooker, followed by crisps pickled onions and a pork pie, and that followed later by biscuits, three jam tarts and bowls of co-co pops with cream! . . to bed around 2am. Bella ate a decent amount today.
29 - Awful broken sleep then up around 6:45am. <18C in, 11C out. Cloudy. . .walked Bgdns in alternating hints of drizzle and sunny spells. Just aimlessly sat around for ages here and there in the unpleasant gusty wind feeling very down . . . phoned (no answer) and then e-mailed DF, cancelling any possible intended visit tonight. That is the LAST thing I need . . . forced myself to PC a pointless bit more of this. This is SO on borrowed time. . . napped . . . TVd . . threw away another whole bowlful of Bellas food into the garden for the birds . . . cooked up a big pot of beef mince stew and eventually ate a bowlfull. Mixed some up with Bella's food and eventually got her to eat a large amount today . . .ate biscuits and bowls of rice krispies before to bed around 1am.
28 - Up around 6:30am overheating and not feeling so good. 18C in, 11C out. Cloudy with bright spells . . .walked BGdns. Sat around for absolutely ages feeling just exhausted, directionless and down. Eventually slowly on out to the seat above the end of the breakwater to pointlessly sit around for ages more. Eventually straight home through town. . . very down. Returned to bed for the rest of the day, occasionally sleeping/dreaming until around 6pm!!!! . . .reluctantly PCd and at length, laboriously constructed a short 'final' e-mail to BB. Under the circumstances, I just can't see the point in continuing with ANY further infrequent 'superficial' contact. The final end to a ten year - no - fifteen year 'relationship'!!! Hugely painful. :o( . . . TVd . . . Bella refused food (a tin volume of complete and a whole tin of dog meat) again today. :o( . . .eventually forced down two ham finger rolls, crisps, biscuits, banana and chocolate around 10pm or later . . . to bed around 1am.
27 - Poor disturbed sleep then up around 8am, aching. 19C in, 15C out. Sunny. .annadin tablet for breakfast . . walked BGdns . . got Bella to eat some 'breakfast' by mixing in a little of the beef rice mix with her complete biscuit . . . PCd briefly . . . carried a couple of carrier bags and a rucksack full of junk to the charity shop in the boiling sun. Arduous! . Continued on up to the vets for Bellas 1:30pm latest checkup appointment. He listened to her heart and quickly suggested that her arythmia had worsened since being off the Lanoxin for the last week or so, and recommended she go back on her twice daily 250mcg dose. :o( Got further supplies of 50 lanoxin tablets and paid the outstanding 13.36 for the tablets and the consultation . . . walked back down through town, around the harbour and on out to the yacht club slipway for Bella to swim out for her ball just a couple of times. Eventually carried on up into BGdns for sitting and drinks of water . . .ate a defrosted steak and kidney pie and chips . . still unpleasantly headachey and aching . . napped for a couple of hours . . .woke STILL headachey . . TVd . . gave Bella the remaining beef mince and rice with her biscuit and successfully got a decent amount of food into her again . . . ate a banana and biscuits before then cooking and eating two quarter pound cheeseburgers. Ended up feeling a bit sick . . to bed no later than 1am.
26 - Snoozed for a bit then up around 7:40am. 19C in, 16C out. Sunny. . .woke at the PC as usual. Received notification on-line that my microwave was going to be delivered today. The first time I checked, it made no mention of a time slot, so I dawdled in front of the PC and figured we'd probably have to skip the morning walk and just stay in all day and wait for it. Checking again later, it suddenly suggested it would be delivered between 1 and 2:30, so there was ample time to walk after all. . . walked BGdns late for ball play, a sit with my coffee and then back via the builders yard to buy a new plastic fence post cap . . .worked in the front garden with the hedge trimmer, mostly trimming next doors hedge back away from my fence etc. That's two bins full of debris sat out on the back patio I now have the usual difficulty (without a car) of getting rid off. :o( . . . around 1:35pm the microwave was delivered. Eventually nervously unpacked it, got it into position and read through the manual etc. It is MUCH smaller and lighter and not so well made as my old one - but that goes for everything you buy these days doesn't it. :o( Eventually succesfully defrosted four pieces of bread and ate beef slice sandwiches with crisps . . . got the ladder up and nailed the new post cap atop my aerial mast, to replace the curiously broken one I'd found laying near the carport the other day. I still can't see how that broke like that, without someone somehow having bashed it with something!?? . . managed to muster the energy to have a poke at the back garden fence rails, where I'd never quite finished off what I'd intended to do when I 'repaired' the fence. Managed to re-use a couple of the old lengths of timber I'd stored in the garage, to replace a couple of lengths which had ended up being too short to be able to screw them firmly to the new upright post timber. I'd gone on this long without having a bash at that, because they'd been held 'reasonably' well in place by a thick trunk of ivy growing up from the raised flower bed and all over the wooden rails (which of course had encouraged them to rot away!). With the 're-claimed' rails now screwed in place, I was finally able to cut away most of that ivy trunk at last. Final digging out of the root can wait for another day . . . presssure-cooked dog mince, onion, rice and gravy for Bella. Eventually mixed with some of her complete biscuit, she ate it all straight down. . . TVd . . too tired to 'do' food. Ate just bananas and biscuits . . . to bed around 1am.
25 - Snoozed for a bit then up around 8am. 20C in, 14C out. Cloud and sunny spells. . . woke at the PC and found mention on the net that following yesterday's disappointing cancellation because of the weather, TWO of the Yakolevs were intending to attempt to do a limited display later today around 12:30pm if possible. . . walked BGdns. Comms on the scanner from a complaining ferry over by Torquay gave me notice that some VERY low flying aircraft ("mast height") were flying low along the coastline just off the beaches. Rushed to get the camera out and start filming whilst trying to spot where they were. VERY difficult to spot against the distant land because they were indeed VERY (illegaly?) low, but I eventually managed to see them. Managed a snip of two as they came a little closer gaining height, before realising there were in fact three - but then they were gone, up behind the trees over Broadsands way. Intriguing. . there was something unusual about the movements of the strange barge type vessel with a crane which services the mussel farm just along the coast from BGdns, which I see when sat there most mornings. This morning it seemed to be coming back from the farm very slowly, and then suddenly veered off and disappeared out of sight into Churston cove.It turned out that there were a couple of young kids on board in swimming trunks, and the guy (father?) piloting the thing had obviously decided to pull in somewhere shallow and relatively safe and give them some fun. I dared to grab a short snip of video as the older of the boys, to his great delight, was given a ride out over the water on a big red buoy dangling from the vessel's crane. Health and safety be damned - what an amazing childhood kids around these parts get to experience from what I've seen. (School outings to swim, canoe, coasteer, rockclimb, etc, etc, etc.) It must surely be no coincidence in my opinion that from what I've seen and heard, all the local youths have absolutely no lack whatsoever of confidence, self-worth, self-esteem, etc, etc - even if they can seem a little too trusting and naive at times. How different would 'I' have turned out if I'd been born and raised around these parts I wonder? :o( . . . eventually carried on down around the harbour and on out to the seat above the end of the breakwater and waited for an hour or so to hopefully see and have a go at filming the Yakolevs display - IF it happened this time. . .Image of two Yakolevs during their Brixham air displayseemed like a long wait, but this time NOT in vain. Just before 12:30 I started to hear snippets of comms from the pilots on my scanner as they switched to their display frequency and the tannoy on the Breakwater Beach below also started up a commentary. I'd just spotted them and started filming in earnest with Bella tied to a railing behind me, when one of the holidaymakers who'd sat nearby, insisted on choosing just that moment to walk over and start asking me if he could give a titbit of their sandwiches to her! A nice gesture perhaps, but for goodness sake, who in their right mind would have interrupted someone obviously filming the start of a display like that! Sheesh. . my filming did NOT go well. I bet I'd have been better off with my tripod where I'd stood waiting yesterday. :o( . Once the little display was over and the two (differing) aircraft headed off across the water into the distance in the general direction of Exmouth, I ended up chatting nonsense to the two holidaymakers for ages. Eventually headed back through the unpleasant dawdling crowds, around the crowded harbour (where the Battery Heritage group were all dressed up in wartime uniforms and playing with their guns, and 'Sandy Sparkle' was singing wartime songs under the old fish market roof, etc) and straight back up into BGdns away from it all before finally heading home . . reviewed the footage and disappointingly found I'd really somehow ended up with absolutely nothing really worth keeping of the little air display at all!? Damn - I should have just watched it rather than largely miss it trying to film it!! :o( I'm really VERY not good at filming aircraft - because I always keep trying to zoom right in, when they are obviously moving far too fast to be able to effectively/accurately track and keep up with. . . ate cold beef finger rolls with crisps and coleslaw . . . napped . . . mowed the lawns. In the time it took to do the back one, Bella had gnawed her back all raw. FFS!!!! :o( . while pottering around doing the lawn out back, I discovered a brick out in the lane which forms part of my garage footings, had somehow been dislodged from its cement by someone! The plastic fence post cap from way up on my aerial mast post, was also broken and laying on the ground near my back gate!! What the f**k has been going on here? Unsettling. :o( . . . left Bella out in the garden on her own for a couple of hours. I was VERY angry about her gnawing herself raw and just needed a break from her. :o( . . . ate biscuits, banana, a disgusting meat pastry slice and chocolate . . . Bella ate nothing all day. . . to bed after midnight.
24 - Woke earlier snoozed on then up around 8:15am. 20C in, 15C out. Sunny . . aha - at last - managed to find mention online of the Exmouth lifeboat shout I'd overheard on Friday. "We have since heard that the woman has recovered, her husband has purchased lifejackets and both went out on the boat again on Saturday morning". Wow - brilliant. I totally hadn't expected that. From all the comms I was able to overhear (on the very edge of my receive range in that direction), I was fully convinced that was a fatality (as was the womans husband during events!) . What a pleasant suprise. :o). . . walked BGdns and eventually on out to the seat above the end of the breakwater to watch the fleet of heritage sailing boats head out into the bay for a sail as part of the Brixfest events . . eventually headed back, intending to return home before heading out again later to catch the Yakolevs air display off the Breakwater around 3pm. Just happened to notice two people carrying a 'postponed' sign along the marina walkway towards the breakwater. The Yakolevs air display had apparantly been postponed because of bad weather at their takeoff site. Postponed, weather allowing, until around 4:45pm. That meant I had much more time to play with. . ended up walking all the way back towards home via BGdns. Ended up sitting around in the lower part of BGdns for ages watching everything that was going on - with the yacht club guys frequently always unexpectedly firing their miniature canons. Made me jump every time - and whilst filming with the camcorder, I had to keep on reaching out to reassure Bella. Image of a Torbay ferry and powerboat racing past Not only were the usual ferries and heritage sail boats all out across the bay, but there was also a power boat race (only half a dozen boats I think) going on over by Torquay and Paignton. There was a fair bit of disgruntled comms on the radio when the allegedly previously negotiated and agreed courses for the power boat race and the heritage sailing regatta, ended up somehow overlapping - with the heritage course marker buoys eventually having to be lifted and relayed in the middle of proceedings for safety, to the great indignation and offical complaints of the organisers.Image of a Torbay heath fire On top of all that, increasing amounts of smoke started to drift out across the water from the Broadsands end of the bay! Turned out that the heathland adjacent to the steam engine railway track from Paignton (to Kingswear) was ablaze! Difficult to see even on maximum zoom with the camcorder, but it was soon apparant from white helmeted dots, that the fire brigade were in attendance keeping an eye on things and even somehow hosing a bit here and there. It's not an entirely unusual event I believe, given it's the route of steam engines (must have happened in the past all over the country all the time). Because the breeze was pretty much offshore, I suspect it was largely allowed to just burn itself out towards the cliff edges. . . eventually headed home. . . cooked and ate two quarter pound burgers in buttered baps . . messed around charging batteries and playing with radios and even modified the radio programming on my old trusty Uniden USC230 to include the possible Yakolevs display frequency. . . eventually headed back out with Bella, camera, scanner and tripod to see the Yakolevs display. Headed straight down across FGn trying to decide where would be a good place to attempt to view the display from. In the very far distance I was able to see that the seat above the end of the breakwater was already well occupied by families (shudder), so I decided to save myself the walk and just hang around on the Overgang Road overlooking the outer harbour, breakwater and rest of the bay, in the hope that whatever their display line was going to be, it would all be highly visible from there. Quite a long wait. 4:45pm came and went - and nothing. The small crowd that had assembled on the breakwater appeared to be thinning. Eventually some kind thoughtful guy in a passing car pulled up and confirmed that the display HAD been cancelled. Humph. What a waste of time and effort that all was! . . aimlessly ended up wandering down to the waters edge coastal path and then back up into BGdns to sit around at length some more before finally heading home . . . pressure cooked up some rice, onion and a tiny amount of corned beef and eventually gave it to Bella with her complete meal. She ate it all. . .TVd . . ate chocolate sponge cake, mini cheddars, crisps, banana and chocolate . . . to bed at midnight.
23 - Up around 8:45am. 20C in, 17C out. Sunny . . walked BGdns and eventually down around the busy bustling harbour. The Brixfest festival was all getting ready to start, with food stalls, beer tent, stage and seating all set up under the old fish market roof. Lots of people around already and load music peing piped over the pa system all around the place. Yuk. Headed out to sit on the seat above the end of the breakwater for a while before returning to the harbour to sit in an out of the way spot behind the beer tent to drink my coffee . home through town . . . Mum called in with papers and food donations for chats. Bella ate her pork pie treat and some of her breakfast complete biscuit . . ate a small pork pie, large sausage roll and crisps . . . napped but only for a very short while before irritatingly being woken by next door's dog continually yapping. As soon as I gave up trying to sleep through it and got back up, it stopped! Grrr . . . TVd . . gave Bella the remaining beef stew with her complete biscuit and yayyyy - she woofed it all straight down. That means she ate a VERY good amount today. . TVd/guitarred in the conservatory for a bit . . . couldn't muster the energy to go back out, despite being tempted to go and watch the Brixfest fireworks down in the harbour at 9:50pm. Ended up sitting in the front garden for the display. Only just partialy visible from the garden, but clearly a VERY good display. Damn - almost wish I HAD made the effort to go out somewhere and see it proper. . . to bed after 1am.
22 - Up around 7:45am. 17C in, 12C out. Grey . . walked BGdns.Image of Amadea in Torbay Cruise ship Amadea was moored over by Torquay again this morning. Rather better weather than the last time they were here.Image of Galatea in Lyme Bay Buoy-laying vessel Galatea was also visible on the horizon, presumably doing something with the buoys marking the wreck of the Emstrom. Had a poke with the camcorder in an attempt to see what was going on, but it really was just too far out to be able to make out anything - except that at one point the whole ship appeared to list over as a crane was swung right out off the port side. . eventually on down around the harbour and out to the seat above the end of the breakwater to sit for quite a while. A light rain shower eventually had me head back to the inner harbour to idly sit at length under shelter of the old fish market roof to drink my coffee. . eventually headed home through town after the shower had stopped, buying some cheap beef mince, onions etc along the way . . . PCd and had a 'not really interested/just buy a cheap one' type of surf looking at microwave ovens. All things considered, they are actually suprisingly pretty inexpensive (well - when compared to how much I'm continually throwing away in dog food and handing over to the vet at the moment!! :o( ). Read reviews and the like (meaningless and contradictory as usual) and measured up, and went straight ahead and ordered a 'Logic L20GS14 silver microwave with grill' from Curry's for pennies under 55 including delivery. Smaller inside and much lighter than the huge old one I've been used to (inherited with the house) - and I've never had a microwave with a grill before, so all a bit of a gamble 'sight unseen' etc. Should be delivered some time within five days. The sooner the better. I really am lost without one. Can't even quickly defrost bread for a sandwich at the moment - and absolutely can NOT 'plan' so many hours in advance what(if) I may be eating! For instance - the bread I ate last night, I had to pull out of the freezer early in the day to naturally defrost (actually put it in a freezer-bag on the window cill in the sun for a while!), and come the time I 'needed' to eat something, I really didn't particularly want it, etc. . .PCd a bit of this - and also uploaded the 'handline fishing video' to Youtube, just to keep all my uploaded videos in one place kinda. I'm not comfortable with just uploading stuff to Facebook. As time moves on, such postings/uploads seem to just get lost in the later posts. I'm just happier having everything on Youtube in one place (not least of all, so I can put a link to it on here!) . . .
Falmouth coastguard responding @ 15:58hrs
vessel 'Molly Jo' off Sandy Bay - female overboard (skipper's partner!) - 45 year old, no life jacket, T shirt, jacket jeans and trainers - Exmouth lifeboat and rescue helicopter tasked - Molly Jo searching. "
She's gone mate. She's under the water. If she was swimming I'd be able to see her. She's gone."
16:11 "
I've found her". Dead in the water. Unable to get her back onboard. Exmouth ILB proceeding at speed - Rescue 106 in the air
16:20 ILB on scene - 16:22 casualty on board ILB - 16:27 Rescue 106 on scene to lower winchman to assess and lift casualty - Exmouth ALB to casualty's partner on board the Molly Jo. . 16:30 Casualty in the air en route to Exeter . . 16:35 Exmouth ALB on scene with the Molly Jo. Escorted back into port where a police car was waiting to drive him to Exeter. . . :o(

did dish washing chores while cooking up another load of beef mince, mixed veg stew in the pressure cooker . . ate a bowlful of stew and then mixed some into Bella's food and succeeded in getting her to eat a reasonable amount today . . . DF called in for coffee biscuits and arguments until almost 10:45pm . . . PCd/TVd, just recovering from the company for hours . . ate a load of biscuits before finally to bed around 3:45am!
21 - Up around 7:45am. 17C in, 15C out. Sunny . . walked BGdns, out to the seat above the breakwater and then back to the harbour to sit and drink my coffee. All the while I was sat there, Bella was hungrily staring at someone sat nearby eating something, as though I was starving her! Headed back up to BGdns, throwing the ball for Bella to swim out for on the yacht club slipway along the way. . .threw Bella's left over food from last night out into the garden before putting fresh back down - which she promptly refused to eat again. I lost my temper (yet again) and actually roughly force-fed her a small handful, before giving up in an angry despairing mood - again. I really am in danger of giving up with this constant trying to persuade her to eat nightmare, and just letting her starve to death! I just can't STAND this f***ing constant emotional roller coaster. :o( . . . vacuumed - in the hope that the unpleasant aromas around the place from Bellas recent throwing up would be at least a little improved. The conservatory carpet is the worst. My attempts at clearing up out there when she threw up loads of part digested minced beef weren't very effective. Smells REAL bad out there! :o( Thankfully the living room isn't anywhere near as bad - possibly even undetectable. . .PCd a bit of this trying to catch up on SO many days. God how I'm sick of doing this too! WTF IS the point anymore! "How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable, Seem to me all the uses of this world!" Just going through the motions - for the time being. . . monitored radios as various yachts responded and ultimately the ILB was sent out to recover a broken down jet ski a little way off round Berry Head. Towed back into Brixham harbour and thence to a marina mooring I believe. . . messed with the bits of video I'd recorded yesterday of the guy handline fishing for mackerel. Got unusualy ruthless with the edit, and trimmed it right down to under a minute of little more than the actual catches. . . listened in as there was another ILB shout around 1600hrs. Yacht 'Summer Breeze' off thatchers rock with engine failure. Under tow towards Torquay by 16:30. Wow - busy day for the ILB! During their tow towards Torquay, just outside the harbour entrance at around 16:57, they stumbled across a capsized 20ft sailing dingy!! The ILB asked for the assistance of the ALB which was soon being 'launched on service'. To cut a long story short, all casualties were ok, and the ILB eventually carried on with the original tow into Torquay as the ALB attempted to recover/pump out the capsized dingy. The dingy was handed back to the ILB to be towed back across the bay and into Brixham, with the owner taken back on the ALB. The ALB was back on station by 18:18 - with the ILB still happily en-route with the tow. . . finished off the little 'handline fishing' video, and because it was so small and probably of some local interest, uploaded it direct to the Facebook Brixham Fishing page as an experiment. I've never uploaded any video to Facebook before! Seemed to go ok - and ultimately be well received - including a comment from the guy who it was. :o) . . . walked BGdns. How funny - that same guy (with a friend this time) was out in his boat handline fishing again - although this time I didn't see him catch anything and he soon returned to the harbour. Just sat around in the late low sun watching the yachts racing etc for a while before sitting on the higher seat to drink my coffee before finally heading home . . . TVd . . .pressure cookered rice and some best chopped ham with just a sprinkle of instant gravy and eventually nervously gave it to Bella with some complete dog biscuit. Oh thank god - she eagerly woofed it all(almost) straight down. :o) . . . fried up the remaining beef mince with chopped onion and eventualy a sprinkle of grated cheese and ate it with just four pieces of bread and butter followed by a little chocolate . . to bed before 1am.
20 - Woke around 6am, snoozed on, up around 7am. 17C in, 9C out. Sunny . . . Image of trawler painter walked BGdns. Sat around for quite a while just stroking Bella who seemed quite happy and content, but not too interested in any ball play. Pretty much herself again-ish. Chilly in the shade and stiff NW breeze despite the sun. Eventually carried on down along the outer harbour (past two seal swimming in the opposite direction) and wandered around the warmer sheltered inner harbour just a bit. One of the small fishing vessels in the working harbour had a guy handpainting its new name on the structure above the wheelhouse. Couldn't resist taking a few photos, because I'm always impressed when I see people doing such 'old fashioned' work - especially when on this occasion, he was managing to do it on a moving boat! What skill. .eventually ended up sitting near the Golden Hind for my coffee. . eventually headed back up to BGdns for a bit more sitting to recover on the high seat, before then heading home. Bumped into K on the way back who told me a horror story about the greyhound which lives next door to him. His neighbour hasn't had it long - a rescue - and a fine looking dog too. It was allegedly being walked in BGdns yesterday when a loud bang from the building site near the holiday camp spooked it and it took off running. The woman walking it lost her grip on the telescopic lead and it clattered along the floor after it, spooking it even more. K got involved when he heard a sickening yelping noise and came out of his garden to discover the dog with a very badly injured and bloody hind leg. His suggestion was that the lead had somehow tangled around the leg and caused the serious break/injury as the dog continued to try to run away. I dunno - from his description, the severity of the injury sounded to me more like it'd maybe been hit by a car that didn't stop! The highly distressed woman walker eventually appeared, and a nearby neighbour apparantly drove them all to a vet over Paignton. The dog was apparantly put to sleep, rather than have to endure an amputation!!!!! FFS! :o( . . . PCd a bit of this. I DID also dare to post the image of the signpainter to the Brixham Fishing facebook group, because I thought it was another precious image of one of the little considered parts of the fishing industry that barely gets a thought from anyone. I say 'dared to post', because only a week or two ago, I had determined NOT to engage in ANY further (anonymous) posting on Facebook - because quite frankly, I just don't have ANY understanding WHATSOEVER of what is going through the minds of everyone else on there! As such, if I do post anything, I just seem to get all up tight and anxious about potentially having somehow innocently/naively 'done the wrong thing' somehow! It's just too much of a mine field for me to live with! . . DM unexpectedly called at some point and seemed to be talking nonsense. I very nearly hung up on him after some short tempered abuse. Turned out he'd dialed the wrong number and thought he was talking to some other Terry.. lol That'll teach me to answer the phone (which on the rare occasions it rings, I seldom do these days. Why would I? All I have to gain is to be made to feel bad about myself some more!)! . . . getting ready to leave for our 4:20pm vet appointment, I decided to make myself a flask of coffee to take. As usual, before pouring the mug full of coffee into my flask, I popped it in the microwave to zap it up to real hot to last. All of a sudden the microwave stopped with a noisy judder and then started to 'fizz' as something electrical inside threatened to catch fire!! Frantically had to drag the thing out of its unit and unplug it before things got really scary. Ended up dumping it out in the conservatory for the time being. What a b*****d that is! Living largely out of my little freezer, I totally rely on the microwave to defrost stuff and warm all sorts of things up. I could have done without THAT right now, on top of all the Bella worry and expense. :o( . . . walked across town to the vets - with Bella constantly trying to walk ahead of me as 'usual'. WHAT a difference to how she was the other day. . weighed her in the waiting room. Around 26.75 kgs this time. I swear it was over 27kg only the other day!??? . . a short wait before called in by the vet. I quickly explained that despite him having gone out of his way to bring the scanning machine to the surgery this afternoon specifically for Bella, I wanted him to check her abdomen once again before proceeding, because 'I' could no longer feel any sign of the 'swelling' (or whatever the hell it was) she'd exhibited the other day. He had a good feel of her and yayy - agreed that since he couldn't feel it either, there was little point in putting her through the trauma of shaving her and doing the scan. It was agreed that we'd just see how things go for a week with her no longer taking the lanoxin tablets. There WAS a discussion about how much she is drinking (lots) and how it is 'possible' that her condition/the medication 'could' result in kidney failure and increased drinking NOT as a result of the medication. Jeezuz - what a trip this all is! :o( . made another appointment for next week as suggested, got another month supply of just the vetmedin and frusemide tablets, and settled my recent account. Two consultations, the two injections the other day, and the 60 of each tablets - 143.38!! :o( . . back through town, around the harbour and back along and up into BGdns to warm up in the afternoon sun. Spent ages pointing the camcorder at a guy who'd taken a small boat out off the end of the breakwater and was hand-line catching some what I assume were mackerel. . sat around in BGdns for ages before eventually heading home via the store . . Mum called to touch base. . TVd . . cooked up a huge frying pan full and ate fried potato, onion and minced beef - keeping a good portion for Bella's evening meal attempt. Gave some to Bella with her biscuit. She ate all the fry up but left almost all of the dog food biscuit again. FFS!?????? . . . smoked, ate chocolate and TVd until to bed whenever. I AM inevitably gradually increasingly smoking real roll-up cigarettes again. :o(
19 - Up around 7:15am. Thankfully Bella had joined me in the bedroom and taken to her bed at some point during my sleep last night. No 'accidents' anywhere thank god. 16C in, 10C out. Sunny with rain showers. . . walked BGdns and sat around for ages, occasionaly getting rained-on from the passing showers. Bella appeared 'brighter' and definitely much improved on how she'd been behaving yesterday. Pretty much back to her recent usual self - allowing for lack of food etc. She even wanted a few throws of her ball and to chase nearby crows etc. She just acted more alert and brighter. . . sat under the roof over the seats chatting to another dog walker for quite a while before eventually heading back via the store briefly . . pressure cookered up some dog mince, potatoes, onion and a sprinkle of instant gravy . touched base with Mum and returned her ansaphone call to report on how Bella was doing. I've no idea how mum can possibly remember such things, but she suggested that yesterday's date was the same date that I had Sally put down!!! Wow - wouldn't that have been freaky if I'd had to have Bella put down on the same date! . . dared to give Bella some of the 'stew' with a modest amount of her complete biscuit. She ate 'most' of it pretty much straight down. Fingers crossed she keeps it down!! . . . PCd a bit of this . . .ate corned beef, mayo and grated cheese sandwiches with mini cheddars . . . napped . . . TVd . . gave Bella the remaining stew. She ate a good amount, only leaving a little . . . ate bowls of rice krispies and some chocolate . . .to bed around midnight.
18 - Woken earlier by restless Bella then up at 8am after very little sleep. 17C in, 12C out. Rain and wind. . . walked BGdns in light waterproofs. Bella was very much NOT her usual self!??? All along the way to BGdns she was kinda dawdling along BEHIND me almost, rather than the more usual irritating trying to walk ahead all the time. That is SO out of character!??? :o( . . sheltered from the rain in one of the lower searchlight bunkers. Bella seemed kinda withdrawn and clearly lacking in energy, not particularly interested in any ball throwing at all. Really worrying. She even seemed to stumble a bit climbing up the steps of the paths. Something VERY not right with her! :o( . didn't hang around for too long before heading straight back home. Once again, uncharacteristicly she seemed to slowly dawdle along almost behind me, despite my encouragement. All of a sudden without any warning half way back, she threw up all along the pavement - loads! . . . recovered from the walk and sat around for a bit, upset and worrying, and getting a bit tearful. . . all of a sudden Bella started to indicate she was going to throw up again. I tried to rush her outside but only managed to make it as far as the conservatory! Hell of a big mess all over the carpet out there! :o( . .more clearing up and tears . . .what to do? I was utterly convinced that I was likely seeing Bellas rapid demise. For the first time in all this dodgy-heart/taking tablets period, she was clearly very much acting unwell and was presumably now really actually 'suffering'. The worst part of what 'I' was going through, was having to start thinking about 'playing god' and how on earth to identify when it would be right to potentialy call a halt to her suffering and have her put down. Perhaps the worst part about such thoughts, was that it really probably wasn't at all about HER suffering under the current circumstances. In reality, it had much more to do with how much of her dumping pints of puke in the house I could realisticaly cope with! Because of the amount she is drinking these days, when she is sick, there is a LOT of disgusting fluid pouring into the carpets etc. As luck would have it, so far, she hasn't thrown-up upstairs. Because of all the bare floorboards in the bedrooms (with still open gaps between them), if she ever does, it'll be an ABSOLUTE disaster - quite likely to damage or destroy the old wood fibre ceilings of the rooms beneath!!! How can I possibly have that happen? What to do? What to do? 'WHEN' to 'do'??!!!. . Rang the vet practice and miraculously managed to get an appointment for this afternoon at 3:40pm with the same vet I've been seeing throughout Bellas recent health/heart issues. . touched base with Mum . . Mum called in, just in case it was gonna be her chance to say goodbye to Bella, as I honestly fully suspected it may have to be! Embarassingly a few tears in front of Mum. . . walked to the vet, relatively slowly, with Bella 'dawdling' all the way again/still. . . I was suprised by the vet's attitude, which didn't in any way seem to be as bleak looking as MINE was. Potentially having Bella put down, didn't even feature in the conversation.

two injections. One anti sickness, one anti inflamatory. He agreed there appeared to be a 'swelling' of her abdomen as I'd suggested . .

come back on Wednesday for Bella to be shaved to have a scan to explore the possible swelling in her abdomen. Stop one of the tablets (lanoxin) and no food today

sat outside the vets for a short while and touched base with Mum on my mobile to immediately let her know what was going on, and that Bella 'lives another day'!!! . . walked back via town and BGdns. With hindsight I should have just gone straight back home the way we'd come. Bella seemed lacking in energy and mostly hung back behind me as we walked, even frequently 'scuffing' her claws on the ground as she did so as though she was having trouble keeping going!!!!? TOTALLY out of character! Sat around in BGdns for just a bit before ultimately slowly heading home . . . lay down snoozing on the sofa for an hour as heavy rain showers blew through. Snapped a vivid rainbow across the valley out front at some point . . TVd . . . ate cold ham, three eggs and chips followed by a little chocolate . . . to bed around 1:30am. Ever since returning from the vet earlier, Bella had pretty much just lay on the floor of the living room hardly moving! When I headed for bed, she unusually made no move to get up and join me, so I reluctantly left her there to please herself - whatever the consequences!
17 - Up around 8:15am overheating a bit. 19C in, 14C out. Sunny . . . walked BGdns, on out to the breakwater seat and eventually back through town . . .put out yet another whole bowl of Bellas food for the birds! . . . drank a couple of shots of Baileys while cooking up two cheese burgers. . . napped until around 6pm when waking from yet another nightmare . . .TVd . . mixed the last of the dog mince stew with complete biscuit and managed to get Bella to eat this evening, although that resulted in an increased terrible gurgling noise from her stomach. . . ate jam tarts, banana, bowls of coco pops and chocolate . . . after 1am Bella suddenly threw up all over the living room carpet AND carpet tiles in the kitchen as I tried to rush her outside. Spent ages cleaning up as best I could, and even hosing carpet tiles down out in the garden! . . eventually to bed around 3am.
16 - Woken earlier by restless Bella then up at 8am. 18C in, 16C out. Sunny. Felt 'not as bad as' yesterday - but kinda spaced out a bit, as though exhausted from the last couple of days battle with my thoughts . . . walked BGdns. Chilly in the stiff breeze to start with, but soon warmed up to pleasant. . Carried on out towards the breakwater to have a closer look at the luxury motor yacht which was unusualy moored there on the seaward side of the breakwater off the breakwater beach. Jeeze - what an enormous vessel. Huge. It was almost a mini cruise-liner rather than a luxury yacht! Cayman Islands registered 56m yacht 'Hampshire' built in 2001. "Hampshire's interior configuration has been designed to comfortably accommodate up to 12 guests overnight in 6 cabins, comprising a master suite, 2 double cabins, 3 twin cabins and 1 pullman bed. She is also capable of carrying up to 14 crew onboard to ensure a relaxed luxury yacht experience. " How the other half live!! Whilst I was sat on the breakwater (like a rag wearing pauper!) having a look and taking a photo or two, all of a sudden what seemed like a 'crowd' of people appeared, climbed down a staircase and started getting into a rib at the stern to come ashore, leaving at least half a dozen of what I assume were the crew, still visible on board. The little images I've included here should give some sense of scale and the enormous size of the thing. . . back to BGdns to quickly drink my coffee before heading back via the pet store. Bought frozen mince, and a rawhide chewy thing. (Not long after the time I got home, according to the online AIS, the luxury yacht had apparantly already lifted anchor and set sail and was off round the coast past Dartmouth already!) . . Mum called in with the papers and food donations for chats. She also brought her usual treat for Bella of a slab of gala pie. Bella woofed it all straight down as if she was starving, and even proceeded to also eat some of her complete biscuit. . . napped until woken by a nightmare. I was fighting someone off and it was my right leg viciously kicking out across the bed which woke me! . . walked BGdns. . . Because Bella'd had a bit of food earlier, I dared to just put down her 'usual' bowl full of complete biscuit together with a tin of meat for her evening meal. She immediately refused to eat ANY of it. :o( . . . TVd . . . eventually ate a sausage roll, crisps, mini cheddars, banana, jam tarts and bowls of co-co pops with cream . . . to bed around 2am.
15 - Woken earlier by restless Bella then up around 7am all overheating. 16C in, 10C out. Grey. . . . .A VERY down day! Having to cope with being this down in this way is actually pretty new territory for me. This is really fucking bad! :o( . . Walked BGdns. Sat around for ages, trying to be invisible so as to avoid having to talk meaningless nonsense to any passing dog walkers. There really is NO ONE on the planet with whom I can actually have a meaningful conversation about anything , and I am forced to concede that there never will be for me. Any foolish attempt to do so, as far as I'm concerned always seems to result in my being completely consistantly 'misunderstood' - so what IS the point in even trying? There isn't a human being on the planet, contact with whom doesn't result in me feeling 'worse' about myself and my 'worth' than I already do. I am SO 'far out there' now, there really is no coming back. Even these words don't make sense. 'Coming back'? Back to what? I've never been wherever it is everyone else lives anyway!

. . sat in front the TV feeling worthless hopeless and down. . retreated back to bed. Only managed an hour and a half sleep before being woken by neighbour noise. FFS! :o( . . . TVd . . . drank wine. . ate chicken kievs, fried potato and mixed veg followed later by a banana and then some chocolate . . . to bed around 1:30am. The death of BB King was reported this day.
14 - Woken by restless Bella around 8:30am. 17C in, 11C out. Raining. . . walked BGdns . . sat around for ages sheltering from the rain under the roof. Oh my god am I feeling very down !!

I'd recently watched Mel Gibson in Hamlet on TV again - and one of the bits of dialogue (not the more usual 'to be or not to be' etc) struck a very real chord with me. I'd never before realised there was so much reference to 'real' actual depression in that play before. The familiar 'to be or not to be' bit seems like a reasonable response to 'adversity' that anyone with a tendency towards 'half empty' moods could be familiar with, but wow - the following seems much more touching on depression 'proper'. TOTALLY sums up where I now spend my almost every waking hour.

O, that this too too solid flesh would melt
Thaw and resolve itself into a dew!
Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!
How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,
Seem to me all the uses of this world!

Hamlet Act 1 Scene 2

retreated back to bed and succeeded in sleeping off the day until gone 6pm . . . TVd . . . ate several bags of crisps with some cheese and pickled onions, biscuits and bowls of rice krispies . . . TVd until to bed shortly after midnight.
13 - Up around 8:45am. 19C in, 14C out. Sunny spells. . . walked BGdns, out to the seat above the end of the breakwater for my coffee and then back home through town, stopping to buy milk and potatoes on the way . . . did dish washing chores . . . with some decent weather before rain forecast for tonight, I managed to muster up the energy to work in the back garden and have a proper go at removing the big tree root which spreads right across the lawn from the old cherry-blossom tree trunk. Amazingly (although as expected) despite having cut off ALL the branches of that tree, a few new-growth sprouts had started to appear on both the trunk AND on the exposed root!! That tree trunk is so big and heavy that I'm in no hurry to start trying to actually cut it down and remove it, but that damned root just HAS to go if at all possible, so I can have an easier time of mowing the lawn without having to always avoid damaging the mower - and then always have to trim around the root with the strimmer! Image of tree root removal workUsed a lump hammer and bolster chisel to prise the lawn away from the root and then set about cutting through the exposed bits at BOTH ends by drilling loads and loads of holes through the timber with the electric drill and a long wood bit. Took ages drilling sawing and hammering, but at long last I was able to start prising it up out of the ground enough at one end to be able to then get an old bit of fence post type timber under it, and ultimately lever it up enough to break the last bits of timber holding it in position. Wow - a big thick, heavy root, bigger than my leg!! Dumped the huge heavy root up the top of the garden for disposal somehow (?!) some time in the future. Used the old fence post timber to 'pound' the lawn back level and into reasonable shape before using a bit of spare soil to fill the enormous trench back up a bit. Dug out a bit of seld seeded grass and soil from up the middle of the lane to put into the scar, together with the last handful of grass seed I had laying around the place. Looks a bit of a mess at the moment, but in time once the grass grows back it should work out ok. . . . Image of pressure cooking dog mince stewImage of pressure cooked dog mince stewdrank a glass of red wine while cooking up food - for Bella! Cooked up a whole small pack of the frozen dog mince together with potatos, chopped onion, mixed veg and a little instant gravy in the pressure cooker. Eventually gave Bella a quarter of the 'stew' mixed with a good portion of her usual complete biscuit. Worth all the effort - despite whatever is going on with her to take away her appetite, she couldn't resist it and woofed it all straight down. :o) WHAT a relief. Eventually divided the remainder into three bowls and stashed them in the fridge for hopefuly as-successful repeats over the coming days . . TVd . . . cooked and ate chips and two quarter pound burgers in buttered baps with grated cheese followed by biscuits . . to bed around 2am.
12 - Woken earlier by restless Bella, snoozed on then up around 8:30am. 18C in, 14C out. Sunny . . . walked BGdns. . . did laundry/bed linen chores etc . . . ate two beef finger rolls, coleslaw, mini cheddars, chocolate sponge roll, banana . . to bed at 2am.
11 - Woke earlier, snoozed on then up at 9:30am! 17C in, 13C out. Grey and misty . . . overheard a call from Vigilance saying they were going to Dartmouth and would be filming with a BBC helicopter later as they throw a pretend coffin into the sea off the back of the boat!! . . . walked the woods. The bluebells are all out in force. On down to the beach for Bella to swim out for her ball quite a bit, then into BGdns for a sit on the usual seat. Carried on down to the harbour to sit and drink my coffee before returning to BGdns. . eventually back home via the local pet store. Bought another large 5 rawhide chewy thing for Bella. Also bought a packet of frozen mince for dogs to try. At a little over 1, that's considerably less than the cost of best mince from the butcher . . . managed to mow both lawns and pottered in the garden for a while before just giving up, in a bad and down mood withall . . . TVd . . . Bella ate a large meal of reheated mince and potatos etc mixed with her complete again . . I ate two beef and grated cheese finger rolls, mini cheddars, coleslaw and some chocolate sponge roll . . . to bed around 1:30am.
10 - Up at 8:45am. 17C in, 12C out. Misty drizzle . . . walked BGdns, on out to the seat above the end of the breakwater and back to the harbour for half my coffee before returning to sit in BGdns some more . . . drank a little wine while cooking. Cooked up a large pan of mince, onion and potato with a little gravy. . .ate a quarter of the mince concoction with some boiled mixed veg . . . napped until just before 7pm . . .TVd the night off. Listened-in a bit as a fishing vessel (Girl Debra) towed a yacht in trouble back into the harbour. It's rudder was apparantly damaged after running aground off Meadfoot on 13th April when the Torbay inshore lifeboat went to its assistance. . mixed a quarter of the mince concoction with Bellas complete biscuit and successfully got her to eat a good amount . . . ate cold beef slices in two buttered finger rolls, pickled onions and a third of a chocolate swiss roll . . TVd until to bed after 2am.
9 - Up at 8:30am. 17C in, 11C out. Raining. . .walked BGdns late after the rain had stopped and things turned to increasingly sunny. Played a bit of ball before just sitting around drinking my coffee etc. . . back via the store for milk etc . . . Mum called in with the papers and food donations for chats. As usual she brought a slab of gala pie treat for Bella. Bella ate it straight down and then also ate the bowl of complete biscuit I'd put down as her usual breakfast. She followed that up by finishing off her rawhide chewy thing, acting as though she has suddenly realised she is starving. What a difficult emotional roller coaster this is, never knowing from one day to the next what she's gonna be like. :o( . . . aimlessly TVd/PCd the day off. Monitored radios most of that time and listened-in as all the local coastguards were called out to rescue a collie dog which had gone over cliffs out past Elberry cove. It was successfully rescued and re-united with its owner after a short trip in the ILB I think it was . . .TVd . . . no appetite again. Eventually ate a handful of biscuits and a banana followed later by a packet of crisps and barely three quarters of a meat pastry slice. Bella had the remainder - although left most of her evening meal. She didn't eat as much today as yesterday of course, but overall, probably enough. . . to bed around 2am.
8 - Woken earlier by neighbour noise, snoozed on then up around 8:15am. 16C in, 10C out. Grey and damp after rain in the night. . . walked BGdns. Surprisingly actually not bad out. Better than the forecast, not raining, bright almost sunny spells, reasonably warm, not too much of an easterly at all, and just a bit of an underlying swell on the waters of the bay (giving the ferries a bit of a ride). Bella seemed maybe just a little 'brighter' and more alert after her decent feed last night. Carried on down around the harbour and on out to the seat above the end of the breakwater to sit around for quite a while before ultimately heading back to sit near the Golden Hind to drink my coffee. A passer-by (I don't know at all - like everyone else I speak to!) who I've made polite conversation with in the past (apparantly when watching the Red Arrows some time), started on about how there was allegedly going to be a Russian air display team displaying over the Breakwater during the Brixfest 2015 events later in the month! Blimey - really? The guy even returned a short while later and gave me a leaflet confirming it - "On Sunday 24th May at 3pm the internationally renowned Yakovlevs Aerobatic Display Team will take to the skies above Brixham, ready to fly in formation performing breathtaking manoeuvres throughout their acrobatic display." That should be worth a look. . didn't finish my coffee because someone else appeared nearby, and I really was not in the mood to have to be tolerating the guy - who preditcably made a bee-line for me (again!)!! Dunno if he's just an alcoholic or a drug addict or what he is, but he seems to have recently appeared on the local scene, and insists on talking to everyone he can. He's loud, kinda 'hyper' in his manner, (I HAVE seen him acting 'agressively' towards someone) and definitely one of those people you do NOT want to have ANYTHING to do with!! I was polite, made my excuses and got outta there real quick. . . headed back up towards BGdns. Paused on the yacht club slipway to throw Bella's ball and allow her to paddle and swim just a bit - which she is still all up for (when I dare allow it), despite being a painfully skinny bag of bones (particularly evident when her fur is all wet). :o( . passed a seal on the way back up to BGdns higher seat. Finished off my coffee before heading home via the local store for some beef mince and other bits and pieces, mostly with a view to having to reluctantly do more 'stew' cooking - for Bella, in the hope of being able to persuade her to keep eating!! :o( . . . TVd the news and watched prime minister David Cameron giving a speech outside Number 10, after the conservatives won a clear majority in yesterday's election. . . PCd this, monitoring radios - and was sorely tempted to rush back out, but decided not to since I'd never have reached a suitable viewpoint in time. Somewhere around 1:15pm the ALB joined all the old heritage trawlers with "penants at half mast" just off the breakwater for a very short period of time. Not sure what that was about - although I suspect it was some sort of ceremony for a 'Barry Pike', an ex lifeboat crew member and station mechanic, who recently died and who's funeral service was apparantly held yesterday at 3pm at All Saints church. By 1:35pm they were done and all returning to their berths . . .PCd more of this whilst monitoring the news channel on the TV alongside . . . hastily cooked up a frying pan full of minced beef, chopped onion and potatos for Bella's evening meal. DF arrived before I'd finished and had to stand around while I continued. Eventually gave it all to Bella with some of her regular complete biscuit and she once again woofed it all straight down. A good big meal. It's a great relief to see her eat like this again, but I'm gonna have a hard time affording and mustering the energy to keep doing it. . . arguments coffee and biscuits with DF until around 10pm . . TVd . . no appetite but finally forced down a banana, two corned beef, onion and grated cheese finger rolls, crisps and biscuits after 1am. . to bed near 3am.
7 - Up at 8am. 17C in, 14C out. Sunny, less wind. . . walked BGdns and sat around enjoying the sun and relative calm after the recent gale force winds. Image of trawler engineering workEventually carried on down to the harbour to have a look around. Couldn't resist hanging around on the viewing platform over the public toilets, overlooking the working-harbour for quite a while. One of the boats I'd filmed in rough seas on the 1st - 'Joanna-C' was having major steelwork alterations being done to its sides by the local 'Stride Engineering Ltd' company. It appears her sides were being heightened?? I don't understand any of such things of course, but it made for a neat photo opportunity for possible posting on the local Brixham Fishing facebook page I thought. On that Facebook page it says "This page was set up to show the work of the fishing industry, please post photos as you wish". I've posted quite a few pictures in recent times, and links to relevant videos etc, - but always trying to be careful to keep it very specifically 'on topic' as it were. From what I've seen around the place, huge amounts of the fishermens day to day work is actually heavy-metal maintenance and care for the boats and the like - the much less 'glamorous' or photographed side of what they are doing ALL the time. For this reason I've always got half an eye out for such scenes, because I imagine it would be appreciated (by the actual fishermen etc) when someone has the time to capture such an image, reflecting the REAL work of the industry etc. Anyway - I took a bunch of shots, and ended up with one which 'I' reckon is a little cracker. lol Needs to be viewed bigger than I've included here really. The guy in the background on the engineering company's 'The Black Pearl' boat is weilding a hammer, and two guys in the foreground are using some sort of cutting torch to trim off the new bit of steel plate they've just welded in place on the newly raised side of the Joanna-C. . sat around drinking my coffee near the Golden Hind before heading to shop in the high street. Desperate to get Bella to eat something after two days of not eating, I headed for the butcher and bought a couple of s worth of minced beef again - and then bought a couple of onions to go with it. She ate the last lot I cooked up for her, so I'm gonna HAVE to try cooking for her like that again. . . shall I, shant I, shall I, shant I? Oh what the hell - I decided I WOULD go into the Scala Hall as we passed, to cast a vote in the national and multiple local elections. Bizarrely the place was almost empty, so I must have timed it just right. Nevertheless, the actual voting by people stood at the little booths seemed to be taking ages, and I ended up borrowing a pencil and resting on a window cill to mark my crosses. No wonder people were taking ages. A total of FOUR 'slightly' different coloured papers needing multiple crosses for various different votes (national, local, etc etc) - one needing 'no more than' seven crosses!!!? I've long since learned that it makes absolutely no difference to ME who gets in - NONE of them will make my life easier or represent my rather (naive?) left wing views in ANY way whatsoever. I really couldn't care less who gets in - THEY will be the only people to benefit. THEY will end up being very comfortably off as a result. I WILL ultimately end up worse off. It's ALWAYS been thus all my life. As such - I didn't even know who the hell most of the people on the ballot papers actually were or what they were allegedly going to do about anything. Even in such ignorance, I made crosses against various names and eventually sorted my coloured papers into the relevant four boxes. All in all, I was amazed at how 'difficult' the process seemed to have been made on this occasion. Even the colours of the papers were so similar, it took quite a bit of concentrating and squinting to figure out which colour was which and which box it should go in etc, etc, etc. And all that in the full knowledge that society HAS changed and become far more self centred and selfish etc etc etc, and especially given the local demographic, MY vote would be TOTALLY irrelevant and meaningless. :o( . . . . PCd and posted an image to Facebook etc. Seemed to be well received (as far as 'I' can ever tell from a handful of 'likes', given I don't do Facebook 'friends' and generally don't comment or exchange messages with anyone about anything) - and was quickly shared with people who appeared to be family members of the engineering company, which pleased me. . . napped . . . cooked up half the minced beef with some chopped onion and fried potatos and ultimately added some gravy and ended up with a highly edible stew - for Bella!!!! Finally nervously mixed it all into her bowl with a tin's volume+ of her 'complete' biscuits and YAYYYYY - she proceeded to woof it almost all straight down. Thank goodness for that. Who'd have ever dreamed I'd be having to do such a thing, just to get a dog to eat! :o( Loads of extra hassle (which I can't usually even manage to muster the energy to do for myself!) and EXTREMELY expensive compared to tins of dog food (quadruple the cost ?) - but what else can I do?!! :o( . . . TVd . . cooked and ate four quarter pound burgers in buttered baps followed by a whole pack of chocolate raisins. . . to bed after 1am.
6 - Up at 9am. 17C in, 12C out. Weather looks like a repeat of yesterday pretty much - VERY windy. . . walked BGdns. Just sat around for ages and watched as the Stavros S Niarchos eventually lifted her anchor and headed away across the bay. Eventually mustered the energy to trudge straight back home . . . sat around feeling VERY down. Full-on S ideation involuntarily filling my mind! :o( . . . PCd. The 'car thing' has been hanging over my head for a while now. The MOT is gonna run out in a week or so, and I've been agonising over whether or not to have words with next door about trying to get it through another one. To be honest, my terrible dark mood of recent times is probably more of a deciding factor than anything else. I just couldn't face having to approach next door or face trying to do work on the car to get it into a fit enough state to make the attempt (like have to put all the rear seats back in and have a go at fixing the nearside rear door which no longer opens etc etc). I'm REALLY not 'functioning' at all at the moment - and the simplest of little things is just more than I can manage. :o( All the things I last year wanted the car on the road to do, I haven't done - and I'm no longer in any fit state to start attempting to do - um - anything!! So - what the hell is the point in spending all that money on tax and insurance etc (when I need to be spending it on Bella!)? The state I'm currently in, simply NOT having to worry about having the car useable is just easier. Decision made (for me!). I rang up and cancelled the automatic renewal for the car insurance and breakdown cover and did the SORN online etc. Actually - I hadn't even realised that the road tax had already run out at the beginning of the month, so bloody good job I didn't use it recently as I had been considering! So - I'm without transport again for all the difference it makes right now. :o( . .very VERY down . . . whilst PCing and checking on Facebook posts, I received a message from the alleged partner of the 'Harvester' trawler I'd posted pictures of in bad weather on the 1st, saying she'd been unable to find the video. Ooops - a misunderstanding there. I hadn't actually uploaded the video to Youtube because I wasn't happy with my filming of it. I ended up reviewing the footage again and decided it actually wasn't that bad after all, and set about lightly editing and uploading it to Youtube for her. Another two hour-ish upload!! Ugggh. As soon as it was done, I messaged her with a link to the Harvester file on Youtube, and actually also added the link on Facebook below my original still images post for anyone who may be interested. Having done that, I then also reviewed the Joanna-C footage and figured I may as well upload that too for what it's worth. . . .napped for almost a couple of hours, leaving the PC still uploading . . . TVd the night off. . .absolutely no appetite yet again. Forced down crisps, ham sandwiches, pickled onions, biscuits and a banana. . . .to bed around 2am. Another day of Bella eating nothing - except the usual little last bits of MY food or post tablet 'treats', and those as though she is starving - which of course she is!!??? This is driving me absolutely crazy! :o(
5 - Up around 8am. 16C in, 12C out. Threatening clouds, sunny spells and windy. . . walked BGdns. Played ball and mostly just sat for a while before heading down towards the harbour. Image of MS Amadea entering TorbayI hadn't gone far (just down past the old Astra Zeneca building) before I spotted a cruise ship unusually heading into the bay attended to by the pilot boat Celia T. Turned out to be the MS Amadea. It'd originally been intending to go into Dartmouth I believe, but the weather had made that impossible, so they were stopping off at Torquay instead. Couldn't resist the desire to grab some footage, so I ended up quickly climbing straight back up all the steps and back up into BGdns to sit atop a gun emplacement filming for ages - in the gale! Cold and unpleasant. . the ship eventually moored over outside Torquay and its lifeboats/tenders started shipping people ashore into Torquay harbour. Wow - rather them than me. Looked like a VERY bumpy ride for the passengers, even from this distance!! . . filmed for ages . . . eventually called it quits and carried on down to the harbour as I'd previouslyy intended. Jeeze - it was VERY windy in places down there. Just in places, unexpectedly, where the westerly wind was somehow finding it's way down at full force between all the buildings. . Image of crew returning to the Peadar MarieSaw a bunch of guys near the viewing area above the toilets messing around with the outboard engine on a tender. Seemed pretty likely from what I'd overheard last night that it was the crewmen from the Peadar Marie. Carried on around the harbour and as we started to walk along the marina walkway, the guys had got the boat going and were heading out into the outer harbour. Sure enough, it WAS the crew from the Peader Marie and they were returning to their boat. Couldn't resist grabbing a snip of footage sufficient for maybe a still image or two. . . eventually headed home through town . . . PCd video whilst charging ALL my used-up camcorder batteries. I DID also post the Peader Marie image I've included here to the Brixham Fishing Facebook page, with a comment saying something like "the crew all safe and well complete with tender after last nights ALB/ILB/Coastguard/Police shenanagins" - because by then there were details of the shout published on the lifeboat station's website already. Someone eventually commented on my post, that only one crewman was involved, and it was now all sorted. THAT was eventually followed by a comment linking to someone's name who 'may' have been the crewman concerned. That enabled me to poke into that name and then see the person he was married to on Facebook etc, etc, etc. At some point a day or so later, the local newspaper eventually published an article all about what had actually occurred, which filled in some of the unknown details for me. "All three gentlemen were obviously 'in drink' and with the language difficulties it took quite a while to get to the bottom of their story. When asked how he'd got ashore, his reply 'by magic' got extremely short shrift from the police officer questioning him. It turned out the men had been onboard on their own during the day before deciding to head off for a drinking session in Paignton. The spokesman added: "On their return one of the crew decided he again wanted to go ashore to find Wi-Fi to Skype his girlfriend. "The other two tried to prevent him doing this by removing the fuel tank from the tender. Despite this he still went ahead with his plan and subsequently found himself drifting across the harbour at the mercy of wind and waves. It seems he managed to clamber ashore and up the cliffs near Battery Point." THAT actually had me start feeling rather uncomfortable and sorry for the latvian guy (and his wife) concerned. Bit humiliating having such individualy identifiable detail (thanks to the naming comment someone had made on my 'innocent' Facebook post?) made SO widely public? I presume the 'spokesman' was either someone from the Lifeboat station or the local coastguard? Wonder if they had (or needed) 'permission' to reveal so much to the press? . (bizarrely, whilst typing this on the 8th of May and trying to get this straight, I checked in on Facebook and found that my post on Brixham Fishing appears to have been removed!!???? Wow. How and why I wonder????? Somethings been stirred up somewhere!!! :o( THAT doesn't do my paranoia any good at all!<worry, worry MUCH>). . . PCd the Amadea video for hours . . . it was obvious the ship would be leaving early evening, and I just couldn't resist heading back out to try to get some 'leaving' shots to round off my video. Sods law - just after leaving the house, the heavens opened with a torrential downpour and we both got utterly soaked before even reaching BGdns. Also sods law was the fact that the ship ended up taking absolutely AGES before it finally headed out. Something to do with trouble with the anchor I think. Ended up sitting around cold and wet for hours before FINALLY getting my poor/lackluster leaving shots. Wasn't really worth all the bother! . . . eventually home and straight back ontothe PC. PCd the Amadea video for hours more, all the while listening to radios as the tall sailing ship 'Stavros S Niarchos' headed in towards Brixham with an injured person on board. They'd encountered a big wave and someone had potentially broken their wrist or arm. I was even able to eavesdrop the conversation as the ships captain spoke on the radio via a coastguard arranged telephone link to a doctor at some hospital or other!!! What 'I' found suprising was how the ship was left to keep on heading back in under its own steam in the bad weather, without anyone going out to it to take off the casualty? Hours later the casualty was finally transferred to the lifeboat just outside the bay, and then taken to a waiting ambulance at the Breakwater slipway . . at length I eventually called it quits on the Amadea video and got it slowly uploading to Youtube . . . ate two corned beef finger rolls, crisps pickled onions and a banana . . . finally to bed around 2:30am or later, once the video had finished uploading. Bella refused her food again today.
4 - Up around 8:35am. 16C in, 13C out. Sunny spells. . . slow and late getting going, reading the latest on the small handful of Facebook pages I now follow. Plenty of 'respects' paid in various ways regarding the poor girl who died. They even had a minutes silence during the pirate festival yesterday apparantly. Predictably there were loads of photos etc of the pirate festival. Hardly suprising given EVERYONE was filming everything everywhere on every conceivable device one could imagine (hence me very much NOT doing so). One of the photos was of an old guy in a pirate outfit driving a four wheeled disabled electric scooter, who'd abviously spent hours constructing a wooden frame around it to make the whole thing look like a little pirate ship sailing on the waves!!!! Smile inducing yes - but I do find myself rather confused by how seriously some of the people around the place seem to take it all. Never mind all the kids and their parents - loads of really quite elderly people are all around the place completely dressed up like hollywood film pirate extras. They must have spent a small fortune on some of the outfits and props etc. I saw a pirate-esque coat hung up for sale for something like 80 somewhere at one point!! The whole thing is a complete fantasy, with really absolutely NOTHING to do with Brixham, or indeed reality for that matter!! I dunno - it all seems really rather weird to me. Dare I say, um - 'childish'?! . . Walked BGdns without a coat for a bit of ball play, before ultimately carrying on down around the already bustling with pirates harbour, and on out to the seat above the end of the breakwater. Idly sat around for ages watching occasional pirates walking by, plenty of distant sail/pleasure boats heading out into the bay, and lots of divers going into the water from the breakwater beach etc, etc. Image of people on Brixham Breakwater watching a drone Suddenly became aware of someone somewhere flying a drone immediately out in front of us. As ever when I see those things, my knee jerk reaction was to want to be able to shoot it down, but since that of course wasn't a possibility, I made do with having a go at 'shooting it' with the camcorder instead. Good practice for long-distance zoomed-in small high speed target tracking - which I ALWAYS have SUCH difficulty with! (Seagulls in flight are my usual practice targets when I can be bothered.). The image frame I've included here is of the guy in the green shirt flying it, with a small crowd of spectators and two of them taking photos of the drone as it hovered in front of them. Me filming them, filming it, filming them? lololol . eventually started to head back, just as the guy who'd been flying the drone was walking back off the breakwater, so I dared to wander over and have a few brief words. Sadly he apparantly doesn't upload any of his footage to Youtube, so no chance of being able to see 'the other side' of what I'd filmed. I did however get his e-mail address, just in case I'd got anything worth keeping and Youtubing which HE may wish to see. lol . . headed back through the crowds to the inner harbour as the weather deteriorated to a few drops of rain. Unexpectedly bumped into DF as we rounded the harbour. Had the briefest of chats before going our seperate ways. I HAD intended to sit in one of our usual out of the way places under the old fish market roof (in behind the Bays beer tent at the moment!) and listen to some of the music etc, but I very soon couldn't handle all the noise and crowds and we headed off back up to the familiar peace and quiet of the high seat in BGdns. . sat around and drank my barely luke warm coffee as some drizzle moved in, and ended up just watching all the feeding birds from under the roof over the seats for quite a while. Eventually headed home in a dry spell . . . PCd and decided to edit/upload the drone footage for the little its worth, really just for the benefit and possible interest of the guy who was flying it. . .PCd a bit of this whilst the drone footage agonisingly slowly uploaded to Youtube . . . monitored radios as the lifeboat was called out to tow a yacht to safety somewhere off slapton sands. Towed into Dartmouth I think . . . TVd. . cooked up all the remaining beef mince with some chopped onion for Bella


ALB etc nonsense in the harbour with the Peadar Marie

ate a defrosted bowl of stew followed later by a meat and pastry slice, crisps, biscuits and chocolate . . TVd until to bed gone 1am.
3 - Woke earlier snoozed on then up around 8am. 15C in, 13C out. Sunshine after showers. . . walked BGdns without a coat, warm in the sunny spells. . Denmark registered cargo ship 'Amanda' was moored out across the bay over towards Torquay, with a bizarre looking cargo strapped to the deck. It's apparantly heading for Cork, so they are probably wind turbine parts or similar, but it sure did look for all the world as though they were two big missile warheads!! . . threw Bellas ball just a couple of times, but mostly just sat there with her before ultimately heading down into the harbour to see what was going on with the Pirate festival . . . carried on out towards the seat above the end of the breakwater. Stopped at the lifeboat station and put most of the change from my pocket in the collection 'tin'. VERY unusual for me to do such a thing, but the news of the death of the young girl just off the breakwater yesterday had somehow greatly 'unsettled' me, and I find myself involuntarily continually 'imagining' circumstances surrounding the event. What must everyone concerned be feeling. How on earth will they all - the boat owner and father of one of the girls especially - be able to live with it??!! SO sad. So very sad. . . sat above the breakwater for quite a while thinking it all through and feeling terrible sad. :o( The 'Amanda' cargo ship raised its anchor and left the bay whilst I was sat there . . . eventually back to the inner harbour to squeeze in behind a beer tent to sit and drink my coffee whilst listening to 'Old Gaffers' singing on the main stage a short distance away . . a juggler by the bus stops . . Image of Brixham Pirate Festival dancersDr Turbevilles Pirate Morris Men in the crowded street . . . back to the familiar peace and quiet of BGdns to finish off my luke warm coffee and just sit for ages . .

eventually back early afternoon via the local store for supplies . . . PCd a bit of this . . . drank a splash of wine. Cooked and ate two quarter pound burgers in buttered baps with grated cheese . . .listened-in to coastguard comms as the ILB was tasked to a windsurfer. Shocking shambolic performance from Solent with the ILB continually being told to stand by . . . napped until gone 7pm . . . TVd . . .microwaved and ate the remaining chicken and roast potatoes meal with gravy etc, followed by biscuits and chocolate . . . to bed around 2:30am.
2 - Up around 8:30am. 15C in, 9C out. Grey and raining . . . walked BGdns in full waterproofs in the drizzle. WHAT bad luck for the Pirate Festival. . on down to the harbour to see what was happening. .

sat in the rain in front the 'family' stage by the bus stops and watched a bit of the music from SwashbuckleImage of Brixham Pirate Festival in the rain . . . eventually headed home

TVd and saw that the princess had given birth to a daughter . . . Mum called in . .

drank a glass of red wine while cooking. Ate a roast of chicken slices, stuffing, roast potatoes, yorkshire pudding and mixed veg with a pint of gravy . . . Bella appeared to be 'leaking' again!! :o( . . . napped . . . TVd and saw national news reports of a girl having died in a speedboat accident just off the breakwater earlier!!!! With hindsight, that explains the bits of comms I overheard on the living room scanner when mum was here. I had no idea it was something SO serious! . . TVd the evening away watching mostly nothing . . . ate a whole pack of chocolate chip cookies . . grilled cheese and onion on two pieces of toast and some chocolate . . to bed around 1:30am.
1 - Woken by the noise of the wind making a howling sound through my poorly fitted bedroom window. Up around 7:40am. 16C in, 9C out. Grey and windy. . . walked BGdns . boisterous waters of the bay in the easterly . . out to the seat above the end of the breakwater . . on along to Shoalstone pool when it looked as though a beam trawler was going to be heading out in the rough waves. Sadly it ended up NOT doing so. . . filmed other bits and pieces Images of fishing vessel Harvester leaving Brixham in rough seasImages of the Joanna-C in rough seas

low tide . . walked along to the end of the breakwater, some of the time on the high side, as if daring the waves to reach up and take me. . . . all the way back . . stopped off at the butchers in town and bought some minced beef for Bella . . . home . . .cooked up in the pressure cooker some mince and dog food complete, in a desperate attempt to get Bella to eat a decent amount! Even after all that, she just picked at it and left most!!!!! :o( With hindsight, because of the expense and my pennypinching, I think I didn't put enough of the mince into the concoction to sufficiently infuse it all with an irresistable beefy mince taste?

PCd and posted screen captures of a couple of the boats I'd videod earlier to the Brixham fishing facebook page etc. .. ate a pastie, crisps, coleslaw and a banana . . .wow - those little pics I uploaded to Facebook got an enthusiastic response!? . facebook 'conversation' with the wife of one of the trawlers and mailed her the 'Harvester' going out in rough seas images as requested. That's satisfying. I love it when people who have a direct connection get to see images or video I've taken . . DF called in with chocolate chip cookies for chats until around 10:30pm . . . TVd . . ate chocolate sponge roll, banana, biscuits and some chocolate . . . to bed around 2am.