<<Return to My Diary

<My Diary Archive 2009 My Diary Archive>

- Woken by Sally around 5:30am needing the garden! Couldn't get back to sleep so got up . . .PCd . . walked around 7am. A pleasant quiet, calm morning . . PCd surfing - LOTS, for MANY hours!! . . Mum called to touch base. . after having gone round and round and round for hours, and agonised lots about spending some of my ever dwindling, irreplaceable savings, I eventually arrived at my usual 'What the hell. Just DO it for goodness sake!!!!' state of mind!!!!! Imagine how easy life must be for the wealthy - when throwing away a couple of hundred pounds is nothing! It's a REALLY big deal to me! :o( . ordered a 'Stagg SW203CETU-BK Electro-Acoustic Dreadnought Guitar' (103.95 inc. from Normans) and a couple of sets of new strings (10 from a different supplier), both from Amazon. I could have ordered the guitar direct from the supplier 'Normans', but the weird thing was, the postage was 3 or so cheaper when ordered through Amazon, so I went through them being the cheapskate I must be. . on a 'just do it roll', I then went onto e-bay and ordered a scanner! A Uniden Bearcat USC230-E Scanner with 'Close Call' (116 Inc.) That's a whole bunch of money to me - and the moment I'd pressed the 'buy' buttons I was wracked with regret and guilt!? Should have bought a new fridge, consumer unit, lawnmower, etc etc etc instead. :o( Actually - it's also a 'big deal' to me, because of the - um - 'relationship' one can form with ones guitar. After all, you're gonna spend a lot of time with it, holding it, etc.. . cooked and ate bacon, eggs, sausages, black pudding, baked beans and fried bread followed by a little chocolate . . napped until around 7pm . . drove to walk . .guitarred despite the 'G' string about to break at any moment. At two different frets the winding of the wire is showing signs of breakage and unwinding! Imminent! Hardly dare touch it!! Having said that, I guess those strings haven't done bad. They must surely have been on that guitar for around - um - five years!?? Can that be right?!!! No wonder my recent recordings of it sound a bit weird. lol Wonder what my 'I can't actually play or 'hear' it' ears will make of a new set of strings? Probably won't be able to 'hear it' at all then!! Have to start all over again! lol I'm REALLY not looking forward to putting new strings on it. I've always found doing so, 'problematic' and then followed by continual re-turing every time you pick it up for ages, as the strings 'bed in' and stretch. :o( The old crappy classical guitar I recently re-strung is almost untouchable to me for that very reason. Every time I touch it - always totally out of tune and awful sounding . . . touched base breifly with BB . .TVd until early before bed.
30 - Broken sleep. Actually woke in the night feeling cold. Think it's cooled down enough to put the duvet back on the bed! Up around 8:30am. . walked in a misty drizzle . . PCd/guitarred experimenting LOTS, and then all of a sudden it was nearly 6pm!!!!!!!!!! - BUT - YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! I've proved it IS possible! I've been meaning to experiment like this for ages, to see whether or not it was possible to use the video editing software to act as a rudimentary sound mixer. It has a section for adding music, and a seperate section for overlaying voice (never mind the audio track of the actual recorded video which could act as a third). Theoretically it seemed quite feasible to record and lay down a bit of guitar as the music track, and then record some more and lay that down seperately as the voice track. When played in the normal way, all the tracks are mixed into one. Well - it took ages to test the theory - with some chords strummed for one track, and then I think it was three seperate samples of some improvisation, inserted seperately like pieces of a puzzle, for the other track - and oh boy WHAT a fiddle trying to position them on the time line to get them in sync-ish - but IT IS POSSIBLE!!!!!!!! Never mind the poor guitar playing, random improv, and poor sync etc etc etc (it WAS just a test - but I admit I DID have the title 'Diamond Nine' in mind, or something similar!!) - here is the result of my day of experimenting. A 2.3MB mp3 file, 2.5 minutes long. Me playing with myself! Oooer! lol It's all given me a headache - but a bit of a 'buzz' too!!!! :o) . . Sally has her latest upset stomach and during the day was sick in the conservatory. Eeeew. Lots of letting her out in the garden . .skipped the walk . . . cooked and ate Mum donated pizza, a banana and chocolate. . TVd . . touched base with BB . .to bed before midnight.
29 - . . somehow come daylight I was still up! With a clear blue sky and the sun already streaming in through the curtains it seemed a bit pointless going to bed! Sat in the chill of the front garden with a coffee and cigarettes and then walked around 7am. Another quiet beautiful morning. Much cooler and autumnal. Found 2 . stopped at the store on the way home and bought a few provisions . . cooked a bacon, eggs, sausages, black pudding, baked beans and fried bread breakfast . .slept for a couple of hours until woken by Mum popping in for a few hours. A clear blue sunny sky when I lay down - almost total grey cloud cover when I got up! . . fitfully napped for a couple more hours. . drove to walk . . guitarred/TVd . . touched base with BB . .ate salami and lettuce rolls and some chocolate. . TVd until bed around 2:30am. s
28 - Up around 8am with a heavy rain shower . Watched my latest video over again a couple of times for breakfast. As usual, in the 'cold light of day', it's already looking pretty pathetic to me. Oh well. It made me feel a bit more 'up' for a short while there at least. . walked in the sun after the rain. Filled a carrier bag with litter and bottles from around my favourite gun emplacement. Had to leave the inside covered in a carpet of broken glass. . back up under the roof I got talking to one of the council bin men who'd turned up, warned him about all the broken glass down below, and suggested he'd need to take his broom. In conversation we got onto the subject of the bags of litter frequently left by the poop bin, that get broken open and scattered around by the seagulls (my rant and the picture of the 7th July refers - although it's been noticeable, none has been dumped there of late). Turns out they HAD done their best to go through all that litter when it appeared, to try and figure out who'd been putting it there, and had also tried to work out a pattern as to when it was being dumped. They had originally suspected it was the camper vans (as had I!), but according to him it'd turned out not to be (so my apologies to them!). Based on the evidence they'd gathered (lots of tea bags, and 'receipts'), they eventually concluded it was probably from the cafe down on the beach!!!!!? The 'word' about the problem had been passed around, and lo and behold, the bags stopped appearing. . the guy I was speaking to was the one who'd cleared up the pile of debris I'd collected up from the vandalised roof the other day, and as I'd hoped, he HAD reported it (but didn't seem confident anything much would soon be done about it.). . Image of a found silver braceletPCd and then PCd this. Interrupted by the phone. It was the police enquiry office letting me know the bracelet was back there and awaiting my collection. . . walked with Sally in the showers and picked up the bracelet from the police office. (With it now actually mine, and there being no further chance of someone reading this and going to claim (steal) it as theirs, I'll now include the picture I took of it on the 27th. lol ). . Toured a few charity shops etc. Couldn't resist buying a box of as new/never-been-fitted basin 'lever' taps for 4. 'Cascade-Toronto' style, the box even had the original purchase receipt included! Originally bought on 29/03/04 at Homebase for 29.99! I don't necessarily want them myself, but for that money I figured what the hell, even if only for spares (or maybe Mum some time in the future if her hands get less able to grip her bathroom taps?) - or who knows, perhaps even 're-sale'?. . . bought ten 50p burgers at the butchers and scored a couple of bones for Sally. . Forced myself to sit in town for a cigarette as 'has' been my habit. First time I've been down there for a while! Almost a month. Felt 'uncomfortable'! :o( . spontaneously popped into the nearby jewellers, explained, and asked about the bracelet. They confirmed it was silver, and suggested they sell similar-in-weight for around 60. :o) I don't actually WANT it. Maybe I should try and sell it? . . ate defrosted K donated beef and chips with gravy. That huge lump of beef was meant or Sally, and has been reheated/frozen/defrosted several times, but as far as I can make out, it's still good and worth me having a go at! By rights, I really should have died from food poisoning long ago! . . napped for an hour or so. .spotted a bit of unusual air traffic movements in the sky. Image of images of Dartmouth Red Arrows from BrixhamPCd and tried to check the Dartmouth Regatta website to get details of their air displays, but the site was consistantly down, reporting overuse/out of bandwidth! Typical - just when you want it! . . sat out on the front step with coffee/cigarettes/guitar/cameras for well over an hour waiting for the Red Arrows. Windy with scudding clouds across the clear blue - pretty much perfect weather for a dsplay. Touched base breifly with Mum . .at 6pm sure enough they arrived in the sky overhead and proceeded with their display, much of it in the distant Dart valley, well BELOW the horizon. Had a prod with the video camera but nothing was gonna come of it (other than a few still-frame captures). My house is cursed by a nearby telegraph pole and a sky full of cables out front! It WAS the usual impressive display, even from here. With the mostly clear sky, and no limits on their altitude, I think they even did their trademark 'heart in the sky' thing with their smoke trails - although veiwed from here it was mostly side-on. Plenty of neighbours were all on their doorsteps watching. Felt pleasant to somehow have such a low key spontaneous 'communal experience' like that (which seem to be few and far between these days). . drove to walk . . PCd . . touched base with BB . . PCd this and that all evening! . . s
27 - Up around 7:10am . . walked . . PCd the cruise ship/'time to go video' all morning until it was kinda done mid afternoon. Given the awful, endlessly repeating guitar loop (actually VERY nice (fiddly) to edit to, because it's all kinda 'done by repeating numbers'), it seemed to me that sowing the seed of the title with the veiwer, was kinda important with regard to the up coming images - kinda. Hard to explain what goes through my mind when I do these things. All in the twilight and calm flat blue, the ship struck me as being a strangely ghostly image - unreal looking, all speeded up like I did it. Breifly researching MS Prinsendam on-line, I discovered it'd changed hands and been renamed a couple of times in its life. It was originaly launched in 1988 as the 'Royal Viking Sun'. So - my title was 'Time To Go', because I can 'hear' those words in the twiddle - and/or 'Ghost Of The Viking Sun' because of the feel of the images and the name change. Works for me. :o) Shame I can't do better with the twiddle! lol . . Uploaded it while eating crab paste sandwiches, crisps and biscuits . .one of my youtube 'twiddle' videos had been commented on by someone, and as is my habit I had a quick reciprocal look at HIS youtube page. monello198 Wow. That's an interesting character - with masses of his own, amusing/quirky songs! Boy - am I envious of his write/play/sing ability (and actually his moustache!! lol)! He makes it look SO easy and yet I find attempting my own, SO impossibly hard! . . fitfully napped for maybe an hour or less, being woken over and over by next doors loud motorised lawnmower . .TVd . drizzle. Skipped the walk . touched base with BB . .showered/guitarred . .ate corned beef, mayo and onion sandwiches with crisps, a banana and a little chocolate. . TVd until bed around 2am - after having watched my latest video at least a couple more times!! I'm sure after some time has passed without going near it, I'll replay that video and shudder at how awful it is, but I have to say at the moment, as with the couple of other 'twiddles' I've done, I'm - um - 'pleased' with it? It's because it's MINE - all mine! No one can hassle me or censor/mute it for copyright infringement or anything like that. That funny little 'postage stamp in a collection' type four minute entity, would not have existed but for me having created it. That strokes my pathetic ego! I'm slightly more 'up' today, as a result of having done so. Just imagine how satisfying it must be, to be able to write and play your own songs (like that monello guy - or the millions of others out there doing similar?)!!! To do so - just ONE at least - is the one and ONLY single thing I can identify, as a goal I would seek to acheive before I die! I just need to live long enough!!! lol
26 - Woken around 7:15am by the sound of the wind battering the bedroom windows . . walked in the wind and drizzly rain. Nasty, although not as bad as I'd imagined it would be, and the forecast is suggesting it'll be better later this evening . .PCd . .it's been a day short of a month, so I figured it was about time I called the local police enquiry office about the bracelet I'd found and handed in, to see whether or not it had been claimed, and if not to arrange to have it back. The officer said he'd check and call me back. . . Mum called to touch base . . the policeman called back, confirmed it hadn't been claimed and said he'd retrieve it from wherever it had been sent (Torquay?), and he'd give me a call on Friday once he had it. . PCd for hours experimenting with one of my favourite guitar twiddles and the footage of the cruise ship from last night. I dunno - I think it may actually work-ish. Ended up with various PC files entitled 'OnToSomething'. lol . . ate Mum donated crab paste sandwiches and crisps . . guitarred, just whiling away the hours and watching the weather, actually feeling rather unwell and headachey. .at long last, the weather improved a little, although nowhere nearly as much as the forecast had suggested. Still seemed touch and go about the Red Arrows display with such a drizzly low cloud base and all, but with rain at least holding off, it seemed worth the effort of walking down to BGdns to see. I'd have kicked myself if I'd missed it. It wasn't my specific intention to try to film any of it, but I couldn't resist puting my cheap and nasty but light tripod in my jacket pocket just in case. Walked with Sally and to my suprise and delight finding it free, was able to sit (ontop of a plastic carrier bag) on my favourite gun emplacement. Plenty of people were around, so it appeared it WAS going to be going ahead. Overheard some anorak/enthusiast type guy saying they'd taken off! How did he know? He didn't appear to have a radio? Maybe he did. The more time goes by, the more the desire grows in me, to buy myself a scanner with the new 'close call' facility, so I can eavesdrop on everything that's going on (marine band/coastguard, aircraft, etc. I presume it'd pick up the Arrows during display?) . . Image of images of the Torquay Red Arrowsdespite the crappy weather and low, thick grey cloud cover (actually worse than last year!) the Arrows DID turn up at 6 o'clock on the dot, and made the most of the conditions. I couldn't resist attempting to film, but such were the weather and lighting conditions, it was pretty much a repeat of last years disaster - blurred, shaky, cramp in my hands, drizzle on the lens, etc, etc. I really should have learned my lesson from last year and just sat back, watched and enjoyed. In the true old fashioned sense of the word, they really are AWESOME! How on earth could they do all that in the drizzle? Amazing. One of these days they are going to HAVE to get decent weather for the Torquay display. THEN I'll be filming for sure! . I was so busy wrestling with my out of focus camera I pretty much missed it, but right at the end of their display, they pretty much all flew off away from Torquay, across the bay and directly overhead. The last of the bunch was pretty low and seemed to run his jet straight up the throat of the outer harbour and thence over the town. People in the expensive houses with the view of the bay, must have had an amazing close up look at him as he went. Some people have it all! . hung around for a bit and actually had a breif conversation with someone I'd spotted listening to a scanner. Turned out he'd been listening to the coastguard, because the lifeboat had been called away from the Torquay display-line in the middle of the display 'on a shout'. (I HAD noticed it leaving and had assumed as much.) Something about a small boat with engine trouble - they'd got the engine going again and were eventually just escorted back by the lifeboat. Yep - I reckon it'd be pretty cool to have a scanner in a pocket, and have one ear devoted to monitoring things like that. . . PCd the worthless footage. . . TVd. . ate sausages, eggs and fried bread followed by chocolate. . touched base with BB breifly. . TVd until to bed around midnight. aas
25 - Up around 8:15am . .Image of MS Prinsendam in Torbaywalked in a sunny spell only for heavy showers to descend once I'd thankfully reached the shelters in BGdns. Sat around with lots of other dog walkers for ages under the roof, waiting for the showers to pass. As had been publicised in the local news and to the delight of the local tourist industry, a huge cruise ship had arrived in the bay and was moored off Torquay with its small tenders queuing up alongside to take the (rich and priveledged?) passengers ashore. "MS Prinsendam, part of the Holland America Line, which can take 793 passengers, will anchor off Torquay and bring passengers ashore by tender. The ship will be moored from 7.30am until 7pm." The weather forecast for tomorrow is absolutely awful. We're going to be battered by the remnants of 'Hurricane Bill' apparantly. The bad news about that is, the Red Arrows were due to do their Torquay display tomorrow around 6pm. They'll be lucky to pull that one off, under the circumstances! . . surfed a bit reading up on consumer units/RCDs/showers, etc. again. I have a horrible feeling, all things considred, I'm NOT going to be able to do a DIY job on putting in an electric shower here!!!! It's going to take a qualified electrician and a new consumer unit! That'd cost a small fortune and plenty of upheaval, so I guess that's out of the question! That's a blow! :o( . . PCd this and then somehow PCd the rest of the day away. .drove to walk. Ended up sat on top of my favourite gun emplacement for almost a couple of hours watching the cruise ship eventually slowly, oh SO slowly leave the bay. The 7pm mentioned in the paper turned out to be GMT, so it was nearer 8pm BST when it moved off. Looked really impressive all lit up in the dark. Couldn't resist filming . . cooked and ate four sausages and chips followed by some chocolate . . TVd . . BB called breifly. . TVd until 'early' to bed around midnight.
24 - Woken several times by Sally clattering around the room!! Animation of fireworks over TorquayEventually got up around 6am or earlier to let her out, only to find she didn't need to!? Don't know what's going on with her. Back to bed in an angry mood and unusually actually closed the bedroom door to enable me to try to get just a little more sleep. . up around 9:15am . . walked under grey skies . . sat around desperately trying to motivate myself to get on and do something, but failed miserably . . PCd a bit . .ate corned beef, mayo, onion, grated cheese sandwiches with crisps . .napped until round 7pm . .TVd . .touched base with Mum . . picked up Mum then drove to walk. Sat in BGdns (without 'incident' this time!) and watched the regatta firework display over the bay above Torquay, along with just a handful of others on all the seats. Too far away to really appreciate it, especially having to wait fifteen seconds or something like it, for the sound to arrive. Mum isn't comfortable being too near fireworks, and was quite happy with where we were. Understandable from someone of her age group I guess. 'It used to sound like that during the war' she said. Of course I've never experienced anything like that, but I ALWAYS imagine EXACTLY THAT whenever I watch fireworks!? . . Sat around quite a bit after it was all over. . The nights are really drawing in! Definite hint of Autumn in the air already! . . guitarred/TVd . .ate a tin of sausage in beans with onion, cheese and bread and butter before to bed around 2:15am as rain fell.
23 - Woken by Sally clattering around the room more than once then up around 9:30am after what felt like no sleep at all! :o( . . walked - slowly, exhausted, just going through the motions again . . PCd this while watching just a bit of the grand prix. Round and round . . . ate salami rolls and chocolate . . napped until around 7:45pm . . TVd . . touched base breifly with BB . . PCd aimlessly. .ate bowls of muesli before to bed around 4am.
22 - Up around 8:30am . . walked. Two carriers of litter. . did dish washing chores . . Mum called in . . ate Mum donated chicken and stuffing slice rolls with crisps . . napped . . drove to walk . . TVd/guitarred . . touched base with BB. . ate half a mum donated golden syrup cake . . TVd/PCd until finally to bed getting on for 5am! s
21 - Up around 9am . . sprinkle of rain just before heading out . . walked the woods . . TVd . . ate burgers and chips . . slept . . skipped the walk . . TVd . . stepped out into the front garden briefly to watch a bit of the firework display from the fayre on the green but pretty soon overwhelmed with who cares. . touched base with BB . . ate chocolate mini rolls and bowls of cornflakes . . TVd until bed around 2am. s
20 - Up around 9:30am . . drove to walk. Much cooler than of late with a breeze and strong gusts . . TVd . .ate cold chicken and bread and butter . . watched the live news broadcast of the scottish justice minister's speech about letting the Lockerbie bomber go home to die on compassionate grounds. Never mind all the contentious issues - it really WAS an excellent speech I thought. Very clever . . slept until around 6pm . . walked in a fleece with a hip flask of red wine and sat on top of my favourite gun emplacement for ages. Too many people with children around to be pleasant. I can't even innocently sit up there now without feeling SO uncomfortable I have to leave! :o( . . TVd/PCd a bit of this . . ate pizza . . touched base with BB breifly . . TVd/PCd until early.
19 - Up at 8:15am. PCd yesterdays useless shaky footage. . . walked. Image of a vandalised shelter roofWalking back up the paths below the gun emplacements towards the roofed shelter, the area was once again strewn with large (up to twelve inch square!) pieces of slate like roof tiles! The yobs had obviously been at it in the night again and had been wrenching tiles from the roof and launching them high into the air above the paths far below like frisbees! How many times is this going to happen before someone is actually going to be seriously injured? It is NOT beyond reason that someone could easily end up being killed by those flying tiles!! F****** IDIOTS!!!!!!!!! With a sinking heart I eventually made my way up to the shelter for my sit and cigarette and to see what state the place would be in. Turned out to be far worse than I'd imagined it would be. Not only had yet more tiles been torn off and smashed up all over the place, but they'd even wrenched a huge length of the wooden fascia from the structure and smashed it up all over the steps that lead down from the seats. Rotten wood, nails, broken tiles and debris was everywhere around all the usual small crowd of dog walkers! I've seen so much of that type of yobbish behavior first hand, mostly back in Bristol, I could almost picture in some detail them actually doing it - and how it would have caused them such amusement and how they would have laughed when that fascia wood was torn off and smashed up. Made me feel sick. Utterly sick and full of impossible to describe powerless anger and utter despair. . collected up all the debrsi and put it in a large heap by the nearby rubbish bin. Because the council haven't bothered to attempt to make a vandal proof repair to that first couple of courses of mssing tiles, and because they've been off for so long now, all the wood structure and joists beneath is now fully rotten. That'd cost a small fortune to sort out now. Hard to imagine it will survive. Across town, other such structures (notably one really nice old one on the road above the end of the breakwater - once perfect for sheltering in and watching the big waves during bad weather) have simply been demolished and removed. If this one is similarly removed, I will be heartbroken. I cannot sufficiently express, how much of a loss I consider the removal of such structures, is!!! These structures are worth more than the pathetic lives of the people who damage them! . . Eventually returned home feeling even more down than when I'd set off - and believe me, I was pretty down to start with. What IS the point of having to live like this? Honestly - I can find none. :o( . . TVd/sat around in full force 'down'. That sort of down where you can't even be bothered to focus your eyes! I've even found myself walking along the street with Sally while doing that! I'm not going to labour the point with pointless drivel here, but I'm really not doing so good right now. Sleep is the longed-for highlight of every day - most especially the afternoon nap for some reason! In times gone by, I would have been back on the prozac by now - but - been there , seen that, done that - it changes nothing - what's the f***ing point. Psychologically, there's no return from the place I've reached now. Humanity has no place for me and I none for it . . . ate black pudding, baked beans and buttered bread rolls . . slept . . drove to walk . . ate a banana, biscuits and some chocolate. . TVd/PCd until bed around 4am or later. aa
18 - Woke earlier, snoozed on then up at 8am. .walked.Image of Torbay Seal Spent a crazy amount of time pointing the camera at a seal which was unusually basking on a rock exposed by the low tide off Churston cove. A couple of people in a small motor boat got within about twenty feet of the thing and were taking photos. They must have got some great shots. It got a bit unnerved by their attention, and the sound of dogs barking on the beach, and returned to the water, before eventually clambering back up onto its rock. Did that a couple of times! Eventually got bored with seeing it just sit there in the distance, but then spotted two more as I carried on walking, and dared to have another prod with the camera despite the proximity of someones child. . Image of low flying aircraft over torbayshortly after they'd disappeared around the coast, a twin engined aircraft did a real low circuit of the bay. Caught my attention and got me filming because it was SO low, and at first I thought it may have been in trouble. It wasn't - just some lucky sod having a cliff height veiw of the entire coastline. Aren't there rules governing how low they fly in relation to buildings? He MUST have been in breach of them, especially when banking over Torquay etc. NYaaa - I'm just jealous. You actually see quite a few aircraft around here, military and civilian, lower than you'd normally expect, apparantly just making the most of the scenery and such. Assuming they are all on 'VFR', and some are jets going real quick, it MUST be a 'bit' risky, particularly for the occasional microlight etc. - never mind the 'bird strike' issues. I'm not complaining. I love to see aircraft in all their glory, as close and loud as possible . . All turned out to be pretty blurred and shaky useless as usual - and what the hell is the point anyway! . . coffee in the garden before back up the ladder to put more paint on the roof and fill and paint a big crack in the wall . mowed the lawns . . another coat of paint on the wall . . weeded the front garden . . showered . .drove to walk . . stopped at the store on the way home and bought cold chicken, garlic mayo and bread rolls . . TVd . . ate half the chicken mayo and buttered bread rolls, banana and chocolate . . touched base with BB . . TVd until bed around 12:30pm. saa
17 - Up around 9:45am - ready for more sleep already! . . walked real late. . sanded and painted a bit of the front garden gate latch keep. Some time ago a small thumbnail size bubble developed in the Hammerite paint I'd put on. I ignored it for ages but then the other day decided to try and press the bubble flat in readiness for sanding it down. Turned out the bubble was somehow actually full of rainwater which had corroded the metal and turned into a noxious ferrous corrosion goo which spurted out down the wall and eventually left a big rust trail!! Should have attended to that long ago. . the one negative thing about having built and reinstated my stairs bannister is that I can no longer thread the ladder through the house as I once could. Intending to have a look at the small rotting shared roof over my and my neighbours front doors, I had to carry the ladder all the way down the lane, down the hill and along the road to reach my front garden!! It's a long way to carry a ladder! :o( Movement in the rotting timbers of that roof, and a rust stain streaking the house wall beneath, has suggested for some time that despite my botched repair last year or whenever it was, rainwater is still somehow getting in behind the zinc top plate. I'd been putting off trying to improve things with a further bit of 'botching', because of the shared nature of the roof, and the fact that all that was left to try was to extend the botch across the neighbour's side! To be honest, on close examination while up the ladder, I couldn't really see where rain could be getting in. One or two areas 'may' possibly at a stretch have allowed a strong wind to blow water up into crevices where the roof joined the house wall, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to do the same botch as I'd already done on my side - i.e. run a line of PVA/cement mix along all the joins, mould it into a water repelling shape with a wet paint brush and then when dry cover everything with layers of masonary paint. Obviously a 'botch' but it could only help to improve things (as it definitely has on my side). . eventually had the job done. .trimmed just a little of the brambles in the front garden hedge and de-weeded some of the back garden pots while waiting for the cement to dry, before rushing on a quick coat of paint! Actually put in a little extra work scraping and sanding down next doors small tiled window ledge by the door. It's been in a sad flaking state since I removed all the ivy a couple of years ago. I'd sanded down and painted mine but didn't want to overstep the mark by doing theirs because I didn't know what they may be wanting to do about it, and it was right next to their front door and PVC double glazing unit etc. With busy lives it obviously wasn't a concern to them (or maybe he hadn't done it because he'd given ME the black masonary paint he had, which he'd been given by the previous owners of my house!). Since I was out there using some of that paint on the roof botch, it was just a small job to get a layer on that cill and make it look a little better. Just cosmetic stuff (which I don't think they've even noticed has been finally done. lol) . .left the ladder in the front garden overnight, chained to a garden seat! . . ate three Mum donated salami, mayo, lettuce rolls with crisps and some chocolate . . napped until around 7pm . . touched base with Mum. . drove to walk. A group of youths were stood by one of the seats, surrounded by empty beer cans, all drinking bottles of beer. Without any particular unpleasantness there was a breif exchange of words between us referring to the litter. They assured me the cans were not theirs and that they WOULD be taking their bottles away with them. I grabbed a nearby discarded carrier bag about to blow away in the breeze, and collected up all the cans. While I was doing so, they offered me a bottle of beer. lol I declined because I was driving, but a pleasant change from the usual obnoxious types that get down there. (I think they were true to their word too.) . .back via the shop for ciggie papers and then Mums breifly to drop off half the plums I'd been given. I know me - I'm just not gonna get through them all and they are gonna go off and end up being thrown in the compost bin!. . . TVd/guitarred . .touched base with BB . . ate the last salami etc roll with crisps and two bananas and chocolate . . TVd until bed at 1:11am. a
16 - Woken by Sally earlier then up around 8:30am. Down day. Pointless. . walked the woods. Returned home feeling so tired I couldn't help but lay straight back down again. Woke around 2pm feeling just as tired. . ate a Mum donated pizza and a couple of plums. .TVd a bit then back to bed and slept until around 7pm. . . TVd. . touched base with BB . . TVd/PCd until bed after 4am!!
15 - Woke earlier then up around 9am . .drove to walk with a hint of dampness in the air. Cleared up two carrier bags full of drinker litter from my favourite gun emplacement (and that after another dog walker had already filled a carrier with bottles!). Many of their bottles had simply been smashed in the gun emplacement and it was impossible to pick it all up, so the place is now just covered in a carpet of lethal broken glass fragments (and the usual pools of urine, beer, etc.). Amongst the debris left behind was a rucsack (tatty - not worth keeping), some female type sunglasses, an asthma inhaler complete with the medication, and 9p in copper. I kept the money, a dog walkers kid had the sunglasses, and I carried all the rest to the overflowing bin. (There are currently so many camper vans staying parked up on the road, we need more bins!). . guitarred in the back garden. Over and over again while trying to play my guitar, the damn fridge kept on making its awful pneumatic drill type noise, requiring me to stop, go in and give it a good beating - again and again! I confess I'd fully passed the point at which I really couldn't care less if the thing stopped working there and then, and I even walked in at one point and just kicked the damn thing, kung-fu style in a fit of temper, totally resigned to the fact (and actually rather looking forward to it) that I'll be buying a new one! Ended up tearing into the freezer and ripping away parts of the innards (breaking one of the plastic lugs) in an attempt to once and for all expose whatever the hell was making the damned noise. Don't ask me how I didn't see it before, but somehow I uncovered a small fan in the very back of the thing behind the pipes of the freezer unit, set into a circular recess in a big thick sheet of polystyrene insulation. THAT'S it!!!!! The recess was so tight fitting to the fan, that the slightest bit of movement in the poorly held polystyrene, or a tiny build up of ice on it would foul the fan blade, and start it making the noise - and even actually stop the fan from spinning (don't understand how that fan getting frequently jammed like that, didn't get burned out as a result. Must be one of those that doesn't actually have brushes - like on a PC power supply?)!! It was difficult to get access to the offending polystyrene, so already long since resigned to having to buy a new fridge, I simply took a large bread knife out of the kitchen drawer and sawed a whole piece out of it, before just stuffing everything back in place as best I could what with the now slightly broken pieces! Well - who knows - with luck, that has solved the problem and I may get a bit more use out of the old b****r yet. .guitarred until Mum called in with food donations for a cuppa and chats . . ate Mum donated chicken and stuffing rolls, crisps, plums and chocolate . . napped until around 6:30pm . . drove to walk and sat on the top of the gun emplacement for quite a while, before filling a carrier with litter and beer cans and walking it up to the bin. . PCd a bit of this . . touched base with BB . .ate ham and mayo rolls and chocolate . . TVd/PCd until finally to bed around 4am! s
14 - Woke earlier then up around 8:15am . .walked under a flat grey sky. . did paperwork and balanced my accounts. Uncle TJ called to say thanks for the card from Mum. .Mum called to touch base and then again to say her new washing machine had just arrived. . ate black pudding, chips and beans . . napped until around 7pm. Woke feeling a bit awful and stayed that way pretty much all evening. . TVd/guitarred . . touched base with BB . . TVd/PCd until bed around 3am or later. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I actually put in the considerable amount of time involved, in attempting to clean the PC keyboard. It really had got into a hell of a disgusting state. Slightly better now, but still full of dust, beard hair, tobacco, cigarette ash and all manner of disgusting debris trapped under the keys! lol. a
13 - Up around 7:30am headachey. .walked. On the way back someone started calling out my name behind me! That shook me up a bit until I realised it was a dog walker in one of the houses I'd passed. They called me back and offered me a carrier bag of plums harvested from their garden trees. That was jolly good of them. Turns out they'd actually given some to lots of people. Must be very productive/fruitful trees he planted. If I had the energy and money to intelligently re-landscape my back garden (as it SO needs - but I probably never will), I'd want to sneak in some fruit trees somewhere somehow, rather than the high maintenance blossom trees I have. . . bit of a 'groundhog' type of day - crushed rocks again until around 3pm, managed to get through all I had, and put the result in the lane up by the neighbours driveway. Sadly not 'quite' enough to be able to fully bury all the big stuff he'd dumped up there, or make as much of an improvement to the level as it needs. I think it's fair to say, mostly through my efforts, access from the lane to EVERY driveway up there now is somewhat improved, with less of a mud-flap damaging step up to each, while retaining a 'relatively' smooth(!) run down the length of the lane. With the one nutcase exception, I think everybody is quite happy about it. Nevertheless, if it was in any way possible, you could easily lose everything I've already done, over again up that lane, and STILL have need for more, to really do a decent job on it! All too much hard work! With the occasional rare exception of maybe a bit of maintenance and pothole filling (I DO have a bunch of breeze blocks left out by the garage for just that purpose), I don't anticipate doing too much more work on it all. . . showered, did laundry . . ate corned beef, mayo, onion, cheese and lettuce sandwiches with crisps and then a little chocolate . .napped until around 7pm . . drove to walk and sat in BGdns for ages. . guitarred and then some more out in the front garden watching for the perseoid meteors. Only saw one . . touched base with BB . . TVd . . ate a tin of hot dog sausages, banana and biscuits . . to bed around 2:30am. as
12 - Gave up trying to sleep through the clattering of Sallys claws on the bedroom floorboards around 6:30am after really hardly any sleep at all! :o( . . walked. Picked up all the Strongbow cans and litter left around the gun emplacement by last nights foul mouthed yobs. . Mustered the energy and exchanged a word with K in passing, and suggested I'd pick up some more of his rubble in my car later if he could temporarily move his out of the way. He was going out later anyway so I said I'd wait until after he'd gone to do it. . PCd a bit of this . . left Sally at home and drove to Ks around 11am and picked up all the slabs of tarmac/rubble he'd put in two ton bags. Managed to shift it all in just two trips (albeit probably overloading my poor little car rather!). . put in three hours or so breaking up some of the tarmac. Probably less than half of it! VERY warm - drenched in sweat! Funny coincedence but when it came to actually transporting it up the lane to dump it, one of the neighbours had also dumped a load of chippings/rubble out there by his driveway. Sadly of course, no one else in the world is so crazy as to put in hours breaking it all up into gravel-like pieces like I do, which meant what he'd put out there was pretty big lumpy stuff and really not good for driving over!! Bit disappointing that, given the effort I put in to making it all as smooth and drivable as possible, but never mind. Every bit helps. I still have a huge quantity of that tarmac to break up, so with a bit of luck there'll be enough to bury all the big stuff he's put there, and help him out by raising the eroded, sunken lane closer to the level of his driveway. . showered off the layers of black grime. I hardly perhaps need say it, but my face always wears a frown. I'd hardly noticed, but with age, those two sort of verticle frown lines above my eyebrows have become deep and permanent. So much so, after having almost finished my shower, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realised that they were still full of black dirt! Had to adopt a whole new facial expression to be able to clean my face fully (with the aid of a nail brush!)! . .exhausted! Lay down to nap but only managed a fitful hour or so before getting back up. Ate corned beef, mayo, onion, cheese and lettuce sandwiches with crisps . .K stopped by on his way home and dropped of yet more left overs meat for Sally . .the lane was blocked by some car dropping stuff off, when I got in my car to walk Sally. I indicated that if he could just pull forward for a minute, I would drive out behind. Instead of that, he pulled onto a neighbours grassed area at the end of their garden, did a three point turn and then roared off up the lane at a crazy speed. (Most of those driveways are completely blind for getting out onto that lane. It must surely be only a matter of time before there's a collision up there! I kinda hold my breath every time I pull on to it and drive up - or mostly down it!) Stupid young idiot, but I guess it proves my efforts have made a difference out there. Only a few months ago driving up there at that speed would have been utterly impossible, what with all the deep furrows and potholes. Drove to walk and walked the woods 'in reverse' with plenty of quiet sitting amongst the trees . . TVd . . ate three kipling apple tarts . . touched base with BB . .I'm pretty dehydrated! Can't seem to quench my raging thirst . . TVd until bed around 1:30am. as
11 - Up around 8:30am. . walked. Found a penny. Sat on my favourite gun emplacement for quite a while. Sunny and warm. Thought it was just clouds at first but eventually realised there was a huge cloud of thick black smoke on the distant horizon over Paignton way. Big fire there somewhere. (Checking the local newspaper website later in the week, there were reports of various fires all over the place. Various cases of 'spontaneous combustion' of hay bails etc, but also one of a bunch of tyres having gone up at around the time. Given the blackness of the smoke, I reckon it must have been that.) A dog walker confirmed that there appeared to be 'something going round' and told of other dog walkers rushing their sick dogs to the vet with stomach upsets etc! . . did laundry . . TVd/guitarred a bit . . ate four Mum donated salami and lettuce rolls . .napped late until around 7pm! . .TVd watching the 'police dogs in action' program until 8pm. . touched base with Mum and suggested she may wish to accompany me on the walk this evening because there was going to be a big firework display over Paington at 9:30pm. Mum hates that sort of 'lets do it - NOW!' type call, but it really is the only way I can do things these days. I really can't plan ANYTHING in advance because I never know from one day (one minute!) to the next what sort of a mood I'm liable to be in, and whether or not I'll be up for doing whatever it is, or so down I can't move and just need to hide away from everyone/everything! . Drove with Sally and Mum to BGdns to walk . .lots of people around, all turned up to see the fireworks.

large bunch of amazingly loud, drunken youths partying on top of my favourite gun emplacement.

Everyone else sat around about on all the seats had to put up with every foul mouthed swear word you can imagine, shouted out at the tops of their voices.

Some guy with an 'up north' Midlands type accent shouted out for them to keep the language down. As is always the way with such yobs, they shouted back 'what?' forcing the guy to say it again - which he did adding that he had young children with him. With someone finally having had the nerve to say something, everyone else around on all the seats, all piped up in unison and agreement in support of him, shouting out stuff like 'here, here' and 'yes keep the noise down', etc. I think I almost cheered!



. . . dropped Mum of and returned home feeling really pretty down again. What should have been a simple, pleasant little outing was turned into a hugely negative experience thanks to anti social yobs - AGAIN!!!!!!! Is it any wonder SO many people simply don't go out, especially on an evening, any more? . Seems to me it's reached the point in this country now, that it's ABSOLUTELY impossible to avoid other peoples anti-social behavior and/or the effects of it, whether it be at the least having to constantly wade through peoples discarded litter everywhere, or actually encountering it first hand (like tonight)! There isn't a place I can go, not a thing I can do - hell not a breath I can take, that hasn't been, and will be, ruined by it! Beggars belief. :o( . . touched base with BB . . TVd . . ate bowls of cornflakes and some chocolate. . to bed around 1:30am . .woken by the fridge noise around an hour later. .woken an hour or so later by Sally pacing around the bedroom and staring at me!? Tried to sleep on, but she seemed really unsettled and I assumed needed the garden, so eventually had to get up and let her out. I was SO tired of being woken, I just left the door open and returned to bed!! . . woken by Sally pacing around the bedroom(s) again around 6am!!?? What on earth is going on with her? She eventually layed down in a cramped corner of the back bedroom, which is totally out of character!? Very weird. s
10 - Woken by Sally around 6:30am. Drizzle . .Sony appear to have jumped on the YouTube censorship bandwagon! There's hardly a video of mine left that hasn't been identified for the music copyright and censored now, and even the video in the funny 'Titanic'/comorant clip I did ages ago, has somehow been automatically identified and blocked! (although Sony appear to be forgiving at the moment allowing the soundtracks to remain as long as their adverts are added.). . walked the woods. At LAST - Sally had a poop! Oh what joy. lol Thank goodness for that. I guess it WAS a stomach upset and she's back to her fragile-stomach-normal then. Much relief. .huge amounts of bottles/beer-can litter was strewn around a still smouldering fire just behind the beach. Found 6p. Ended up struggling all the way back up the cliffs and all the way to the bin in BGdns with five heavy carrier bags full! . . . Tried really hard to get on and 'DO' something - anything! - but everything just seems so overwelmingly pointless I couldn't manage it, and ended up just shrugging off another day by TV/PCing etc. :o( . . ate the last of the K donated lasagne with some grated cheese. Actually, I overdid it and should probably have made two meals out of all that. Very full - immediately overcome with the need to lay down . .napped until around 7pm . .Mum called to touch base . . guitarred/TVd . . touched base with BB breifly . TVd with just a little chocolate until bed around 2:30am.
9 - Woken by the fridge making its drill noise around 5am. Gave it a beating and returned to bed only for it to start up again around 15 minutes later! Gave up trying to get back to sleep and got up . .Image of an August 2009 sunrise over Brixham Breakwaterwalked around 6am. Almost a cloudless sky apart from on the horizon, with the sun rising from behind it. Just a hint of a breeze, fleece-cool, dew glistening on everything, quiet, and hardly anyone around. All in all, a really beautiful morning. . no sign of the 'Alladins cave' car that'd been parked up there last night. Filled a carrier bag of litter along the way around BGdns - even going out of my way to pick up 'little' bits and pieces, because I'd been so well 'paid' last night. Thought I'd made another 'find' at one point, but the leather bag just left on an area of grass turned out to be owned by some girl sat on the rocks a distance away - and some distance from another girl, looking just a little 'out of place' somehow, sat on one of the seats. Sat for a cigarette watching the stunning sunrise (and unable to resist daring to video just a little of it! Old habits die hard!). It was tempting to assume from what I saw out of the corner of my eye, that the two 'distant from each other/one sniffing a lot' girls, were partners and had had some sort of argument/disagreement/lovers tiff. Given the fantastic calm atmosphere to the morning and the glorious sunrise/scenery, it was gratifying to eventually see them reconciled in an embrace, before walking off together. .passed a council litter collector on the way back up the path, and with a breif pleasant exchange, handed over the carrier bag of rubbish I'd collected. Eventually headed back as the sun rose higher into the clear blue, promising another day of good weather for the litterholidaymakers. All in all, (especially the lack of people) actually worth being awake early for. Maybe I should set the alarms and make a habit of it! . .gave Sally a bone in the garden and PCd this . Actually - a quick note about the photo I've included here. The bigger of the boat sillouettes (nearest the camera) is that of the 'Western Lady III' ferry, which has only recently returned to service back in the bay, to the satisfaction of many, myself included. It's been renamed the 'Fairmile'. When I first heard about the renaming, I was critical because I thought it an inexplicably naff name and a shame to lose the very well known name it's had for so many years. But - then I read about it on the local newspaper website, and changed my view completely. It's the name of the craft 'type'. It is "the last remaining WWII Fairmile B Motor Launch of its kind in passenger service today". Yeah - ok - Fairmile is cool. . Mum called to touch base and check on Sally. I think she's getting better, but I won't really know until I've had a decent poop out of her - and she didn't go this morning! . . ate K donated lasagne . . napped . . drove to walk. Loads of people about! Hung around in Bgdns for ages trying to encourage Sally to poop but she didn't. . TVd . . touched base with BB . . ate Mum donated chicken and stuffing slice rolls . . TVd until bed around 1am. s
8 - Up around 8am. Sally'd thrown up once in the conservatory in the night it would appear. Hasn't touched her food or even a small bowl of milk I put down last night! That's VERY much not like her! . . drove her to walk. Results were much the same as last night! This is REALLY worrying, but given her history of stomach upsets, I'm gonna HAVE to let things take their course for a day or so before thinking about rushing to find/register with a vet. :o( . . guitarred in the garden for quite a while. Popped inside breifly at one point, only to then go back out and suddenly have a small bird zip past me and crash straight into the kitchen window!!!!? I have no explanation as to why it did that. The window gives NO reflection or false impression of a way through to anywhere. I succeeded in carefully scooping it up from beneath the garden chair where it fell, before Sally got to it, and then walked it up the garden to put it into a place of relative safety on top of a large flower pot - but by the time I got it there, it'd breathed its last! :o( That messed me up a bit. Well - quite a lot actually, given my current ongoing fragile black mood AND the Sally situation. What the hell is going on! Never mind 'DownLooksUp' - I should do a new sign on my gate saying 'The House Of Death'! . actually less than comfortably cool in the shade of the back garden, I ended up taking the guitar into the sun out the front for a bit. Amplified noise drifting across town from the field suggested the Cowtown Carnival was in full flow. I'll be missing that then. . . Mum called in with food donations for a cuppa, chats, etc. I was nervous about allowing her to treat Sally to her usual pork pie, but figured it'd be a good indicator of how Sally was doing, given she'd not had ANY form of appetite for a good few hours now. She quickly made short work of the quartered pie, so I think that may be a good sign. . . ate Mum donated sausage roll and meat and pastry slice with crisps and a couple of squares of chocolate . TVd . napped (after having closed the bathroom window to reduce the disturbing volume of the amplified music emanting from next doors patio, competing with the noise from the practicing drum player from up the road! Uggh. :o( ) . . woken around 5:45pm by Sally barking. K stopped off on his way home from work with containers of left overs food for Sally AND me, including a huge heavy bin bag full of chicken bits and dog bones!! HUGE amounts of stuff - and thank you very much!!! . . drove to walk. Sally appeared to be just a little more sprightly and her normal self, albeit still causing grave concern with her attempts at pooping!!! :o( . picked up a little litter along the way (which is more than I can say for what Sally produced!) . On the upper path on my way back to the car, I couldn't fail to notice a discarded beer can ruining the view of a picturesque area under the trees. Went out of my way to leave the path, cross the grass and mud and retrieve it. As I started making my way back towards the path I spotted a little more litter laying nearby. That 'litter' turned out to be TWO sharply folded 20 notes!! Blimey! Well - I guess I should stop winging on about picking up everyones litter for a while huh? It is my earnest hope that whoever tossed their beer can there, also dropped the money. Hah! Hah, hah, HAH! :o) . . walking back to my car past all the parked cars, my eye was drawn to a particular Volvo estate. It was parked, unoccupied with no-one anywhere nearby, and yet it had the rear drivers side window wound down and WIDE open. On the rear of the drivers headrest, right there inches from the frame of the open window for all to see and anyone to reach, was one of those fancy mobile DVD/game type screens. A lead ran from it down to the centre consol between the front seats, upon which was loosely placed the actual main header unit of the DVD/game machine! I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was just screaming out, 'Take me - take me now'! Even 'I' felt the urge!! It was SUCH an absurd scene, I dabbled with the idea of taking a quick photo for here (wish I had - these words don't do it justice), but it felt too risky to be hanging around near it. Back where I come from in Bristol, absolutely, the VERY next person coming down the road WOULD have had it - or at the least, tipped off his mates to come and get it. It really was SO ridiculously obvious and waiting to be stolen, it was tempting to imagine I should be looking around for the hidden cameras! They've made TV shows in the past where they set up and film such things (who knows - I may soon be on one, vilified for pocketing 40 from under the trees and NOT handing it in to the police as it 'could' be argued I should!), and of course the police have been known to use 'bait' cars. Having said that, this was SO open to such easy taking, it couldn't possibly have been such a bait car because any resultant case would have been immediately dismissed as 'entrapment' ( I would disagree of course - theft is theft - 'temptation' should NOT be a legitimate defence!). suffice it to say, I was 'disturbed' by this and found it really difficult to just drive away and leave someone to almost certainly have their stuff stolen (albeit WITHOUT the usual added expense and hassle of broken windows). Didn't know what to do. I ended up just sitting in the car smoking a cigarette, listening to the radio breifly - and 'watching' in my rear-view wing mirror! Eventually I concluded I was acting crazy, there was nothing I could do, and I should just drive away and let things take their course. As I made to do so, an old couple walking a dog passed by, and I just HAD to mention it and invited them to check it out as they walked past. . coming back round the long one way system, I once again encountered the old couple and exchanged a word before pulling away at the junction. They 'got' it. They too were utterly amazed at what they'd found - and even went on to say how there was loads more 'stuff' piled in the back of the estate (which I'd not even noticed). Proper Alladins cave for someone! The old couple were equally uncomfortable about just walking away, and the old guy mentioned he had a mobile and, allthough they probably wouldn't do anything, he was tempted to inform the police. I encouraged that suggestion and, forced by the approaching traffic behind me, left him to it and drove away. Hillarious really. Given my experiences of being dismissed and ignored when phoning the police back in Bristol, whilst witnessing crimes actually in progress - I can only begin to imagine the greif that old guy would get from the call handler when trying to report a parked car that - um - has the 'potential' for being the scene of a crime, maybe - ish! lololol Nevertheless, it kinda let my conscience about it, off the hook. I am sad to report, given my impoverished financial position and my recently revitalised alienation from society in general, on the drive home, I believe I had an insight into the mindset of some of the unpleasant types who WOULD take advantage of such a situation. I found myself involuntarily thinking - 'if they can afford to have such toys, then they can afford to lose them'!!! :o| . . fed Sally K donated chicken scraps, laboriously extracted from the mass of refuse sack bones. She set about devouring it with relish, so I guess she's feeling better. That's a good sign. Relief. . tried putting the rest of the big sack of bones/food straight into the fridge for some later attention, but it turned out to be far too large for the fridge to accomodate and demanded I sort it out straight away. Spent at least an hour sifting through the mass of big dog type bones and chicken stuff in the bin liner, trying to seperate out all the little dangerous chicken bones and safely edible meat for Sally. God knows what they'd used it all for, but it really was almost as though they'd put those chickens through a grinder - making it a horrendous chore to sift through and extract all the little dangerous bones! Managed to three quarters fill a big plastic container, before having to give up and put all the rest straight out into the wheelie bin. Much good stuff wasted. . . TVd drinking the can of Carlsberg lager I'd found yesterday. . touched base with BB . .ate K donated bacon in a couple of sandwiches and a Mum donated Kipling pastry slice . . TVd until bed around 1:30am. d
7 - Terrible sleep, woke earlier, snoozed on then up with Sally barking at the postman (delivering a letter for the previous occupant!) around 9am!! . .walked. A police car was parked up along the way - peoples newly planted, lovingly watered and nurtured garden plants had been wrenched from the soil of their front gardens and been thrown at their parked cars in the street it would appear! Mud all over one of the windscreens! . . walked the woods and picked up all the litter that was strewn around by the beach. All half drunk/eaten (why don't these people ever finish the stuff they take with them?) and then just walked away from!? Payment received - one can of unopened Carlsberg lager. Plenty of holiday makers sunning themseves and relaxing on the beach as I struggled up the cliff path with two carrier bags of their litter! . mowed the lawns . . guitarred. . mouthfull of red wine . . ate ham ring and chips. . napped. Woken at some point by Sally . . up with the alarm at 6pm to find she'd been sick in the conservatory . . drove to walk. Uh oh! Sally's really REALLY unwell!!!!!!! Constantly throwing up and pooping nothing but blood!!!!!! :o( . . she was sick some more in the car on the way home - which wasn't good for my driving!! . . guitarred, much of the time in the back garden keeping an eye on poor Sally. Frequent bouts of throwing up and she must have drunk at least two FULL bowls of water!!! That's a huge amount! This must be the worst I've seen her. . touched base with BB . . TVd/guitarred until eventually to bed around 2am or later. s
6 - Up around 7am. Good grief - condensation on the inside of the bedroom windows! . . PCd breifly and ended up reading about the latest nutcase to have gone on a shooting rampage in the US. Some nut killed himself after having shot a load of women at a health club!!!! Aside from the obvious horror of the incident - what was particularly unsettling about the reporting, was it included links to some of his B-log entries (still up and on-line for anyone to see!), where amongst the unhinged ramblings (some of it uncomfortably recognisable in 'some' ways!), with the benefit of hindsight, he pretty much openly discussed what he was intending to do!! Difficult to stomach reading! He seemed to be particularly happy that by committing all that stuff to the web, he would have it permanently exist after he was gone. The mass of reporting of and quoting of it, all over the net, ensures that he pretty much got his way! That's yucky. Really yucky. . I do nervously ponder at times, how it is that I have developed my rigidly unshakeable, all encompasing 'prime directive' of - um - how to word it? - 'seek to cause no suffering' perhaps? Not always acheivable of course (I'm a meat eater - and I guess I've failed most spectacularly with regard to my own life!), but surely the 'right' thing to do if you have ANY claim to some sort of intelligence? . I killed another fly yesterday. :o( If they come in the house and persistantly get between me and the television, or if they are loud buzzers in particular (Sally HATES those and runs out of the room!), if I can't readily get them out of a window, I'm afraid they have to be despatched, as instantly as a rolled up newspaper against the window pane will allow. I'll suffer the guilt! Even then, I had to go out of my way to relocate the sad broken body and carry it through the house by a mangled wingtip, because I figured it may be a meal for one of the big spiders with a web in the conservatory. Six degrees of separation? . Seems like the majority of people in the world don't give ANY space to such thoughts. Given my disgust at humanity in general, and a couple of people in Bristol in particular, one wonders what I may have been capable of, if not for my 'prime directive' and 'empathy' burden. After all, ALL these murdering nutters seem to like computers, have poor social skills, live as recluses etc, etc!!! :o( . blah blah blah Just for the record - all my website rantings videos etc are entirely impermanent/fleeting/fragile things. I think it is the case that within only a couple of weeks, if I don't actively keep them in existance by logging on etc, the ISPs pull the plug and they all magically disappear like I never existed - just like real life . . . walked. Kinda misty out to sea and the Berry head foghorn was sounding in an atmospheric way. Actually felt almost autumnal!!!? . .PCd this (rambling) for hours as unexpected rain returned . .

the 'singing man' called in (I thought I'd been spotted at the window so felt obliged to answer the door) and let me hear his 'Diana' song
. . . . ate corned beef, cheese and mayo sandwiches with crisps and chocolate . . napped . . Tvd . . . guitarred in the gardens . . touched base with BB . . ate marmalade and toast . . TVd/PCd until around 3am before bed. Good greif - that's a bunch of hits on my final video all of a sudden!! Served to increase my paranoia. Tossed and turned for at least an hour, unable to sleep.
5 - Woke earlier, fitfully snoozed on then up around 9am. . walked the woods. On the path up towards the woods, Sally had a poop quite some distance from any poop bins. Since it is a long circular walk, as is the habit along there, I decided to leave the bag nearby for picking up on my way back (local dog walkers know the score and many will pick up others bags left in this manner) . Someone else had already left one nearby so I placed mine carefully next to theirs and positioned them with both handles poking up, so a quick stoop in passing would enable them both to be safely picked up with one finger and carried to the bin. . the last time I did that walk, I did it the slightly less strenuous way - i.e. 'in reverse' - straight down to the beach first, and then all the way up through the woods and back round the top way. A load of litter, plastic wine glasses and bottles had been left on the beach by idiots. I picked it all up and stuffed it into a carrier bag, also found blowing around down there, but couldn't face the prospect of having to carry it all the way back with me, so I left it propped against one of the metal posts down there. With that in mind, today I did the walk in the 'usual' direction - beach last. Sat in the woods for ages. A peaceful embrace. After yesterdays rain it was pretty muddy down there and not many people were about, which was an absolute delight. Wish it was possible to live in such a place. . Eventually carried on, ending up on the beach with the specific intention of carrying the rubbish all the way back up the cliffs to a bin - assuming it was still there (which I assumed it would be!). It was. Avoided the beach (because 'people' and their kids <shudder> were on it) and headed straight back up the cliff path carrying all the rubbish (and adding more litter and discarded dog poop bags to it as I went). I eventually returned to where we'd started and went to retrieve Sally's poop bag. It was still there - but the one which had been sat right next to it was not. Jeeeze - you selfish ******! That really struck me as something of a metaphore for a bunch of things! Amongst them - how I fit into this world. Kinda like - there I was struggling along burdened by the selfish ignorance of those around me, and yet they wouldn't go out of their way to lift a single finger for me. :o( . . . sat in BGdns briefly to recover after the climb back up, but soon felt obliged to leave, because children were about. . gotta try and get my appetite back - not least of all because I have a bag of potatoes all going wrinkly and starting to grow! . cooked and ate ham ring and mash with chopped onion. . Mum called to see how I was doing. I've still got the ansaphone turned off but felt obliged to answer her. Tried to converse as best I could, but everything she said seemed to me in my state of mind, to be about meaningless nonsense trivia - and any attempt by her to try to discuss and make me feel better about recent events just made me angry, more despairing and want to get off the phone real quick. Innocent, embarassingly 'trying to be helpful' comments like 'you'll get back to normal', does nothing more than convey a (understandable) total lack of understanding, of what affect the events of the last several years have had on me. Normal? What the hell is that? And normal for 'me'?!!? What IS 'MY' normal? Just mark time, keep your head down and try to be as invisible as possible, until the NEXT time someone notices I exist and decides they'll f*** me up in the most damaging way they can possibly conceive! Life experience is a continuum, and you evolve into the person you are as a result of that. You don't have a load of s**t happen and then just get happily back to who you were. It changes you - a little or a lot - but it changes you, permanently (hence the 'day zero' comment I spontaneously made on the 28th when the 'delayed reaction' darkness of mood descended fully upon me)! So - what IS my 'normal'? Continue to endure an unfulfilling, meaningless, worthless existance in the almost complete abscence of anything which can afford me any sense of pleasure or happiness, waiting for the NEXT unpleasant suffering inducing event to reveal itself. (Aside from increasingly debilitating personal health nonsense - the death of Sally/Mum are of course looming on the horizon!) Actually with hindsight, I guess I AM 'back to normal' already! :o( . . .napped . .TVd . . trimmed my hair/beard, vacuumed and showered for the first time in absolutely ages! Actually made feel a 'little' better. . TVd/guitarred . . touched base with BB . .ate corned beef and mayo sandwiches, crisps and chocolate . . to bed around 1am. . woken in the night more than once by the damned fridge making its pneumatic drill type noise! :o( s
4 - Up around 8:30am headachey. Filthy weather. . drove to walk in a fine misty drizzle. . still in a pretty bad way moodwise, but just for a moment, having uploaded my 'final video' feels like a 'bit' of the weight of it all has been lifted - just for a moment. . did dishwashing chores all the rest of the morning and into the afternoon . . ate two burgers and chips . . napped . .TVd . managed to pick the guitar up and make a twiddly noise for a bit. First time for quite a while . . touched base with BB. . ate biscuits and TVd/PCd until bed around 4:30am! Rained pretty much ALL day today - some of it heavy! as
3 - Up around 7:45am. . walked. Sally ate a dead something in BGdns and refused to come when called again - until she'd eaten it! Grrr. Back with a bone from K . . .PCd all day . .Mum called. I answered and indicated as breifly as possible I wasn't doing so good right now. . PCd . .tried to nap but couldn't so got straight back on the PC and eventually wound up my rant/final video. . K stopped by and dropped off some left overs on his way home. Scared me to death! Answered the door with a knife in my hand! . .touched base with BB but had to stop and get some food in me. Ate a cold tin of beans and sausage with a couple of crusts of bread . .touched base with BB . .TVd until bed before 1am. s
2 - Up around 8:30am. . PCd just a bit of this (after having surfed and read up a bit on witch trials, burnings etc! Really!) . . walked late and came back with a small bag of left overs meat for Sally from K . . one step forward, two back! Down. sat around/PCd a bit . ate suasages and beans, cold from the tin. .napped . .TVd . .touched base with BB and eventually ended up forcing the poor woman to consider and discuss some of the issues with which I've been wrestling these last several days. . ate tuna sandwiches and lots of chocolate . . to bed after 1am. s
1 - Up around 9:30am. . . walked late. Cleared four carrier bags of bottles, broken glass, beer cans and litter from all around my favourite gun emplacement, where someone had partied and trashed the place last night. Amongst the debris was a sunshade/parasol thing!? A bit of mud on one edge but turned out to be quite intact, and even still had a label on it suggesting it was brand new! Probably stolen, there was no knowing where from, and I certainly wasn't in the mood to start carrying it around all over the place asking. Not something I want, I eventually suggested a dog walker who showed interest should have it, and I left the burden of carrying it with her. . PCd and managed to download a different version of the 'Woolly Bully' music from YouTube and salvage the censored/muted fun day video by substituting and re-editing it with the alternate soundtrack. Not 'as' good, but not bad. .

feel as though I'm just a 'little bit' stepped back from the abyss today, after this last desperate week of life threatening 'alternate state' depressive hell. Managed to put in just a little work on what is going to be my last video(the fun day thing - took me a week before I could bear to listen to it!) , although it's gonna take a while. Hard to stomach raking over it, I can only do so for a little while before having to walk away from the PC in renewed disgust and despair. Actually, the 'confrontation' conversation itself is sadly barely audible because of the wind noise and pa music.

. napped . .ate a banana . . drove to walk. . TVd. . ate pizza . .physically exhausted. . Touched base with BB . .TVd until bed after 1am. s