<<Return to My Diary
November
30 - Woken by
Sally around 8:15am. . walked and found £1.01 . .PCd the rest of
the day away working on the second of the 'boat lift' videos
which I've had sat there waiting for months. I'd been putting it
off because I knew it was gonna be a time consuming fiddle to do.
Turned out to be a real pain with the software constantly
crashing again? :o( . . drank half a glass of red wine and cooked
and ate four sausages, two eggs and chips. Ate most of a pack of
Mum donated shortbread biscuits . . napped until around 7pm . .
drove to walk in the biting cold wind. Felt really freezing! . .
carried on PCing (with my hoody up and fingerless gloves on!) and
finally managed to finish the video and upload it around midnight.
SO cold! . . touched base with BB . . ate Mum donated tongue
rolls and crisps before finally to bed after 3am! d
29 - Up around 8:30am . .walked. Flippin cold
out this morning. . did dish washing and vacuuming chores all
morning. Had a gentle tug at my upper-left, wobbly tooth after I'd
called it quits with the housework, and hey presto, the damn
thing just came straight out without hardly a squeak, despite it
being almost an inch long! 
Well - no wonder it came out - it sure is in
a pretty poor state - much like the few temporarily remaining!
Good anti-smoking advert I guess. Had a bit of a rinse in some
warm salty water because - well - I think that's what you're
supposed to do isn't it? It hardly bled at all. Well - that's one
less to worry about! In a 'what a weirdo' sort of way, it was
just a little disppointing, because I had dabbled with the idea
of filming me pulling it out one day - for a video nasty!!!
lololol Actually pretty relieved to be over the last few weeks of
constant pain. Given how easy that came out, I really should
think about pulling out that lower front one which has also died,
but become wedged inward by the teeth next to it, which seem to
have taken it upon themselves to move together to compensate! I
don't do 'smiling' so it won't really notice when gone - although
I do worry about my ability to continue to talk clearly, without
making weird slurping or whistling sounds through the resulting
gap!! . . Mum called in with food parcels for coffee and chats
and to watch the Xmas lights videos. She seemed to like them
quite a bit, with plenty of 'ahhing' over the school kids choir.
lol :o) . . gingerly ate Mum donated ham rolls and even a packet
of crisps. The area of my missing tooth was a little sore but
didn't complain too much at all. Much less painful than it has
been. :o). . napped until woken by Sally around 7pm . . TVd. . .touched
base with BB . . PCd briefly and started the long job of sorting
through some of my cassettes. . . to bed around 2am.
28 - Up around 8:15am . . walked . . PCd and got
round to sorting out what I regard as one of the loose ends which
I keep torturing myself with. Made up a DVD and cover of the
remembrance day parade and service, and then drove with Sally
across town to park and then walk the short distance across the
field to the British Legion Club. Took a lot of standing around
banging and ringing on doors before eventually a cleaner appeared.
Explained as briefly as I could and forced her to take the couple
of copies to give to whoever may be interested. . .cooked and ate
four small old burgers in buttered bread rolls . . napped . .
drove to walk . . touched base with BB briefly . . sorted out a
few cassettes from a box. I'm going to start the long process of
making sure I have them all safely on the PC (on more than one
drive) and put them to one side for getting rid of in some way -
probably a charity shop. They 'may' be worth something somehow,
but I don't think I can face all the hassle of advertising etc,
so will probably just inundate some poor charity shop with them
all at some point . . ate a bit of buttered golden syrup cake. .
TVd/PCd until early before bed. s
27 - Up around 7:15am . . walked and carried on
down town to have a look at the building work. a sign had been
put out by the harbour masters office the other day, saying there
was going to be a 'big pour' today. Sure enough, cement lorries
were constantly thundering through town and a large machine was
pouring the concrete all along behind the new jetty wall. Poked a
bit with the camcorder for only a couple of minutes before a huge
rainstorm swept in. Gave up in pretty short order and headed for
the cover of the old fish market for a cigarette. Got drenched
and wasn't in the mood to be videoing. The rain eased and we
headed back home. Spotted a pair of size 10 trainers in a charity
shop and bought them for £3 without even trying them on (the
shoes I was wearing have overly long laces and it takes ages to
get them on and off because I wrap the laces round and round
before finally tying them up!). Couldn't say no really, although
sadly they are white again. That's two pairs of charity shop white
trainers I now have to wear out. Can't stand white shoes - but
beggars can't be choosers. . .I don't believe it!! Yet ANOTHER
box of energy saver light bulbs on the doorstep - the second lot
I've had from the electric company!!!!!!!! If they really DO last
five years, I probably have enough spares now to keep me going to
the end of my days! Crazy. Madness. No wonder my electric bill is
so high! (stopped typing this to go and count them - I now have
an incredible total of NINETEEN spare energy saver light bulbs of
varying wattage!!!) . . PCd this briefly and was outraged to read
on the local paper's website that the police in Torbay are to be
giving away pairs of flip flops to drunken women out on the town
in high heels, in an attempt to save them from injury!!!!!
Absolutely outrageous. And there's me all victorious about having
just scored some 'dead man's shoes' for £3 because I can't
easily afford a decent pair. :o( . . showered and got all sweet
smelling (a rare event!) and then left Sally at home and walked
down town with the intention of giving blood at the session in
the church hall I'd seen advertised. I've not given for several
years, since before my hernia operation, so my plastic credit
card of donor details had to be updated and I had to read all the
blurb and answer all the standard 'tick the no box' questions
about 'have you had sex with any HIV positive Africans in the
last year' blah blah, blah, etc, etc. There was no room on the
form to insert a narrrative about being a 'born again virgin' and
not having had any sex of any description at all with any one for
many years!! lol . had to sit in the hall waiting for over an
hour before I was called over to answer another round of largely
the same questions, prior to the finger prick bit. It was at this
stage that everything went awry. I ALWAYS have to answer on the
forms that I've had either paracetamol or annadin in the last
week, because all my life I always have had for either stress
headaches or toothache etc. On this occasion I answered it was
because of my bad tooth over the last couple of weeks. (The pain
from the tooth nerve appears to have subsided over the last few
days, so I guess it's died and is just hurting because it's all
loose and fixin' to come out pretty soon.) That unexpectedly
threw a spanner in the works. The guy asking me the questions had
to run off and seek someone else who came back and said I couldn't
give blood because I had a bad tooth and could pass on a life
threatening infection to a possible recipient of my blood! (So
why wasn't that included on the bloody forms I'd filled out when
I walked in. Why had I just sat there waiting for an hour for
nothing.) Sadly, I think I got a little awkward and short
tempered with the woman. Seemed utterly ridiculous to me that
simply because I had a bad tooth, I was now regarded as some sort
of untouchable breeding ground for the plague! I've had bad teeth
for years and still given blood!? It's 'just' a bad tooth for
goodness sake! If you neglect them (and smoke in particular) they
go bad - they hurt for a while - go loose - fall out. It's all
very matter of course. I don't start dripping green acid from my
ears!! Am I now to believe the hospitals are littered with dead
people because of me? Crazy. . it didn't develop into an 'argument',
but it was definitely an uneasy moment. Before I stormed off, I
placed my donor information 'credit' type card on the table and
told her to keep it because, since I had no intentions of running
off to find a dentist like she had suggested, that was the end of
that! . returned home in the rain feeling really angry that I'd
wasted several hours of the day. Got all overwhelmed with the
idea that I'd lead a pretty useless life, and was now deemed
useless as 'dead meat' too. The very stuff of which I am made is
now deemed untouchable and useless. :o( Can they be serious? I
mean - when someone dies in a car wreck and they have a donor
card, do the transplant teams all rush to have a look in the
corpses mouth to see if the teeth are all nice and clean, before
maybe deciding that a potential organ recipient must instead just
unfortunately die, because the corpse was a smoker and didn't use
Colgate? . . Got all crazy and down about the whole thing. As
soon as I'd returned home, I dug out the organ donor card I've
carried in my wallet for at least the last fifteen years, and
tore it up, to ensure the continued safety of humanity! :o(
Retreated to bed. . . .napped until around 7pm . . drove to walk.
. drank a glass + of red wine and ended up PCing the 'distant
coastline' video as an escape from my mood. . TVd . .touched base
with BB and said an ironic 'happy thanksgiving'!. . cooked and
ate black pudding, four sausages and chips . . TVd until bed at 1am.
dd
26 - Woken by the noise from the refuse lorry
around 8:30am . . drove to walk . . PCd the harbour xmas lights,
'silentnight' video. They definitely need more lights! . . ate
ham rolls, crisps and chocolate . . napped . . skipped the
evening walk and sat motionless and feeling pretty down for most
of the evening. I'm always just so, SO tired!? . ate kipling
tarts, chocolate and the last big bowl of the stew. . touched
base with BB . . TVd until bed around 2am. s
25 - Woken by Sally around 7:45am. . walked and
carried on down town. Bought a cheap set of headphones for an
incredible £1 in the pound store. Dunno how they can afford to
sell them so cheap? The pack not only included the cheap over the
head type, but also a set of 'in ear' ones AND a socket convertor!!
. . Back home to find yet another box of energy saving lightbulbs
left on the doorstep by the postman. From the Gas company this
time! . . did laundry . PCd . . cooked and ate a mushrooms, onion,
corned beef, grated cheese 'melt' with four pieces of bread and
butter . . napped until woken by tooth ache again . . walked in
the near freezing point temperature and then carried on down town
to have a go at trying to film some of the night time harbour
scenes. Incredibly quiet evening. Somehow ended up messing around
for a couple of hours (despite the general lack of lights.
Probably took that long because it was hard trying to find a view
of anything worth filming!) and didn't get back home until well
after 10pm . . PCd the footage . . touched base with BB. . ate a
bowl of stew and a Mum donated miniature cheesecake . . TVd next
to the fire trying to warm back up until bed around 2:15am, after
having taken a paracetamol tablet to try to deaden the pain from
my bad tooth and enable me to sleep better for a while. pcml
24 - Woken by Sally around 7:15am . . walked and
carried on down and back through town. Very cold NE wind. . PCd
through until mid afternoon before having to have a break. . ate
Mum donated ham rolls. . napped . . drove to walk . . PCd yet
more on the third of the Xmas lights switch on videos. That one
was even more complicated than the last in the editing!! Lots of
audio splitting and overlaying and such. Finally called it quits
and uploaded it around 11pm!! Overly long in at least one part (dictated
by wanting to keep the background band music soundtrack), but
generally happy with the result I think! Ate a bowl of microwaved
stew . .touched base with BB . . TVd until bed around 2am. a
23 - Up around 7:15am . .
drove to walk in cold drizzly showers,
although there was less rain in the air than I'd thought when I
looked out first thing. I'd have walked if I'd known. . A series
of neat rainbows appeared over BGdns while we were out. Took a
snap or two but resisted getting the camcorder out (although with
hindsight probably should have). . PCd the day away working on
yesterday's footage. . managed to get the first 'easy' choir part
done and uploaded by mid afternoon. . ate a bowl of stew with 4b+b
and then a square of chocolate. . napped only until around 5:30pm.
Much dreaming (and as usual, kinda nightmarish). . ended up back
on the PC and skipped the evening walk. Ate a couple of kipling
tarts . Called a halt and uploaded the second file before
midnight. Not that it shows, but the editing on that was
particularly awkward with lots of soundtrack overlays and clumsy
attempts at 'bleeping' out potentially sensitive portions to
protect peoples identinties and all that jazz. I even actually
slightly mixed up the timeline with regard to the brass band
segments, but in such a way it appears to flow in a linear way
with continuity I think. Apart from the feedback 'bleeps' (with
hindsight I should have used 'crowd noise' instead) I'm pretty
pleased with the result. . touched base with BB . . PCd until
around 3:30am before finally to bed.
22 - Woken around 7:30am by Sally barking at the
postman. Raced down to receive my package. That'll be my
terrabyte drive. :o) . . walked in the cold drizzle showers and
carried on down town to tour the charity shops and see what
progress had been made with all the christmas lights and such (due
to be turned on with 'festivities' later this afternoon). It must
be said, despite the fact there were obviously lights up all over
the place (complete with solar powered miniature christmas trees
mounted on all the lamp posts on the main road into town. The
solar panels were mounted in such a way they 'could' be mistaken
for a star on top of the tree) it all looked pretty unimpressive
in the daylight. Particularly sad I thought was the floating
father christmas and reindeer, chained up amongst the boats in
the harbour. I trust it'll all look better at night. Call me
Scrooge if you like, but I still can't help thinking all the (considerable!)
money it's taken would have been better spent elsewhere!. .
scored a long sleeved black sweatshirt for £2.50 in a charity
shop. . straight back home to unpack my new hard drive and set it
formatting. It comes pre-formated 'FAT' and of course I want it
to be NTFS. Due to the size of it, the format is gonna take a
good hour or two I reckon (actually turned out to be more than
four!!). . .PCd a bit of this while formatting. . Mum called in
with food donations etc . . left Sally at home and walked with
the camcorder and tripod to see the christmas lights switched on
by the harbour. . a lot of people had the same idea. Pretty
crowded. I was right not to take Sally. . arrived just as a
little-kids school choir was in mid performance under the old
fish market. Still all up tight about that woman's comments on
the 11th - given the number of people all recording all over the
place with various cameras, I dared to pull mine out and start
filming too. Managed to dash about a bit in between things
happening and capture a bunch of the band playing christmas tunes.
With any luck, that'll enable me to do an edited video without
having to resort to dubbing over some copyrighted music from
elsewhere . . oh boy - did that town council guy go on forever
with his 'thankyou's' speech! And the guy from the radio station
who was doing the actual switch on, seemed to be painfully slow
in getting things going. .Finally at long long last, they did the
actual switch on - although since it was still pretty much full
daylight, it was actually difficult to know anything had actually
happened! lol It also transpired, the second tree (arguably the
better one) which was apparantly the property of the local
traders, didn't get switched on until a half hour or more later (which
I missed because I was wandering around doing shots of the other
lights at the time)!!??? (Can't help but wonder if they were 'making
a point' and playing silly seperatist politics or something with
that?) . .
- /unfinished/-
. . . drove Sally to walk . . drank
a glass of wine and cooked up a huge, HUGE pot of stew. Used some
cheap mince as an experiment, instead of the usual tin of stewed
steak in gravy, together with a tin of chopped tomatoes, frozen
peas, carrots, onions, mushrooms and potatoes . .ate with four
pieces of bread and butter. Not 'bad' but certainly not as good
as with the stewed steak in gravy. Maybe I made too much on this
occasin and it isn't enough meat for such a large amount. I'm
gonna be eating it for days!! . touched base with BB, but ever so
briefly because I was so near to being asleep! . . to bed before
11pm!! d
21 - Up around 8am . . .walked . . mixed up a
little cement and laboriously filled some more of the gaps
between the paving slabs in the back garden below the kitchen
window, to stop the weeds, and assist in directing rainwater into
the drain rather than just seeping into the ground. Looks pretty
awful but that really doesn't concern me at all . . ended up
pottering around in the back lane and tried a bit of digging, in
the hope of being able to level out all the puddles and potholes
just a little. Pretty soon became apparant it was just too much
hard work to make any progress. :o( . . while I was just about
giving up, after havving immdeiately caused a blister on my hand,
one of the neighbours from a few doors away came out for a chat.
Ended up chatting for quite a while and even had him in for a
coffee. Ended up popping up to his house briefly to have a look
at all the alterations he'd done. It's a bigger and detached
house, very similar to mine but subtly different in layout here
and there because it is bigger. Those subtle differences make it
SO much more alterable and functional than mine. Such a shame. On
the plus side, it was possible to see how the house felt with the
living room doorway in a different position. The doorway into my
living room seems to be positioned in the 'perfect' place to make
it almost impossible to have any sort of decent furniture layout
in the room! A three piece suite arrangement simply isn't
possible because of it! Even just a two seater and one chair is
awkward!! After MUCH trying to think of alternatives, I'd
concluded that if the doorway was moved into the inner corner of
the room away from the front door, it would give a much greater
amount of wall space and allow for a two AND three seater in
there. The only down side I could envisage (apart from all the
work involved) was how the house would feel coming in the front
door, and not having the living room door almost immediately on
your left. It'd maybe be too much like coming into a featureless
corridor? Well - his house had the doorway in the corner, half
way down the hallway, and it didn't feel too bad at all, and
exactly as I'd imagined, they had two sofas against the walls in
their living room. It works. That may well be a (nasty/lintel)
job for me for the future. . . ate big corned beef and salad
sandwiches with crisps . . napped until woken by pain from my bad
tooth around 6pm . . drove to walk. Clear and starry. . touched
base with Mum. She admitted to having had a couple of occassions
where her TV signal briefly degraded, but according to her it was
SO brief, it 'may' even have been nothing to do with anything her
end?. . guitarred/TVd, luxuriating with the heating on a bit. .
touched base with BB . . ate chocolate, blackberry and apple
kipling tarts and eventually a chicken and mushroom pastry slice.
. TVd until bed around 1am. s
20 - Up around 8:30am . .drove to walk . . PCd
and somehow wasted several hours acheiving nothing at all. Tried
desperatly to start an e-mail reply to someone I think deserves
one, but very quickly caved in with only a couple of words typed.
. drank a half glass of red wine while cooking bacon, black
pudding, beans and mushrooms. Ate with four pieces of bread and
butter . . napped until woken by Sally after 7pm! Woke feeling
headachey, cold and awful . .LB called! She was at home 'recovering'.
Goodoh. :o) . . skipped the walk and spent the rest of the night
pretty much sitting motionless in front the TV! . . touched base
with BB. . ate some buttered syrup cake and bowls of cornflakes
before bed around 2am. ada
19 - Up around 7:40am . . .drove to walk . . wow
- my latest purchase of printer ink has been delivered already!
That's pretty efficient. Less pleasing was how they'd stuffed all
the loose cartridges into a jiffy bag, without the boxes. That's
gonna make it awkward to keep track of which is which - and in
fact took me ages to sort them all out into piles, just to check
I had complete sets as ordered!. . . sorted out a few tools and
then drove with Sally to Mums to have a go at installing the new
aerial in her attic. . To cut a long story short, by the time I'd
finished several hours later and had happily succeeded in using
some heavy duty screw bolts from Dads garage jam jar collection
to mount it to the very apex of the inside of the roof, I was
fairly pleased with the result and I think had all the watchable
digital freeview channels, including of course channel five,
which she's actually never had before - and that, despite the
aerial pointing directly at the gable-end concrete wall, and
thence through all the neighbouring houses up the street!!!
Hardly ideal! I reckon I could have done the whole thing in half
the time if I was simply putting it up outside on the chimney! It
remains to be seen if different weather conditions will degrade
the signal. She'll just have to use it for a while and see how it
performs. It could 'maybe' be slightly improved with a tweak her
and there, but that'd be a lot of hassle just to see. . ate a Mum
donated pasty with pickled onions, crisps and a little chocolate.
. napped until around 6pm . . drove to walk. . drank half a glass
of red wine and returned Jks ansaphone call . . touched base with
Mum to see how her reception was going. So far so good. . touched
base with BB. .ate soup with four pieces of bread and butter. .
TVd/PCd until early. ds
18 - Up around 8am . .walked . . PCd and went on
-line and with the money Mum had given me for my birthday in mind,
bought some more printer ink cartridges from the e-bay supplier I'd
used before (5 full sets for £24.99) and then ordered a 'Freecom
1 Terrabyte 3.5" external USB 2 hard drive' from Amazon for
£89.99 with free delivery!! I have been suprised on more than
one occassion when looking at such things, at how competitive
Amazon is with its pricing. Hard to find a much better deal than
that anywhere at the moment, and particularly so when you
consider it was specifically a Freecom drive I wanted. . Who'd
have thought a couple of years ago I'd ever be buying myself a
terrabyte drive?! The first drive I ever bought was a mere 20
megabytes, and I think cost about the same! lol
. . left Sally at home and drove to
the diy store with the intention of buying mum a new TV aerial.
Sadly the ordinary one I had in mind was out of stock so I ended
up buying her a £10 more expensive one! 'Gold' covered for
better signal conduction! Knowing her, I figured she'd rather
have the better one anyway. . . shopped for food on the way home.
. dropped off the aerial at Mums on the way past . . ate a pastry
slice, crisps and chocolate . . PCd . . walked down town and back
via BGdns. Wow - they've erected the metal frame of the new
building on the new fish dock already! . .did dish washing chores
. .TVd and watched the second part of the 'game show' mental
health program on BBC2. The mental health professional I
suggested had his own issues, admitted in the program he'd
suffered from depression as a younger man, so I wasn't far wrong
then. lololol :o) . . touched base with BB . . cooked and ate
mushrooms, onion and grated cheese all melted down together with
a couple of buttered bread rolls around midnight - and boy was
that good. . to bed soon after.
17
- Up just before 8am
. .drove to walk . . pottered around in the garden collecting up
fallen leaves (feels so terribly pointless when there are still
plenty more all ready to drop) and trying to tidy up a bit . .
carried the ladder through to the front and had a good look at
the roof over the bedroom window which appears to be letting in
water, judging by the staining of the internal paintwork. After
closely examining the metal that covers that roof, I think it
must be water getting in BEHIND the metal, where it joins the
main roof slope beneath the tiles. That's a dissappointement, and
suggests that water is getting behind the main roof tiles somehow!!
That's bad news. Sadly, I think that means I'm just going to have
to wait for it to get unavoidably bad before I try to figure out
what can be done about it, and by who!!! :o( . . mixed up a
little cement and rammed it into the scraped-out gap between the
house and the obviously slightly subsided front patio. Doesn't
look too nice and won't really do much, but I'm sick and tired of
having to try to pull all the weeds out which keep managing to
get a foothold there, so it should at least stop that for a while.
I have it in mind, it may also help to prevent as much rainwater
from seeping into that void below the steps built on the path,
where I thought I had a water leak. I seem to have pretty much a
continuous damp patch on the path beneath my drilled drain hole
now. If we ever get really cold weather and a freeze down here (which
doesn't happen often), that's gonna be a pretty lethal patch of
ice! . . used the remainder of the cement to put a little between
the paving slabs in the back garden below the kitchen window next
to the conservatory - for exactly the same sort of reasons. . ate
ham sandwiches with crisps. . napped until the alarm at 6:30pm. .
. TVd. . drank half a glass of wine while cooking bacon, black
pudding, eggs, fried bread and baked beans. . touched base with
BB. . .Uncle TJ called at almost midnight to say how thankful
they were for the discs I'd given them and how much
enttertainment they were getting from them!!??? As it turned out,
based on the conversation we had, I suspect he was actually a
little drunk. lolololololol :o) . . . TVd until bed around 2am. ds
16 - Up around 8:30am . . walked. . 'PJ' the 'new'
lady dog walker suggested walking the woods, and I had been
tempted myself before she mentioned it, so we ended up walking
them together, down to F. cove and back. Sadly that took a toll
on my favourite walking boots of recent times, and the seam on
one side of them is now all split. Won't be able to use them much
longer. :o( It's incredible how quickly I get through a pair of
shoes! . . popped by Mums on the return to pick up the ham she
said she had for me but had forgotten yesterday . . ate ham rolls
. . napped until the alarm at 6:30pm . . skipped the walk again (although
Sally appears all stiff and tired and was probably thankfull) . .
drank the can of Stella left by PS the last time he visited . .
TVd . . PCd a bit and got all into messing around with the
calendar thumbnails . .cut my hair . . touched base with BB . .
ate the last of the stew with four pieces of bread and butter
after midnight. . .TVd until bed around 2am. d
15 - Up around 7:15am . . . walked . . PCd a bit.
Put in a little work so I could show Mum the remembrance day
parade on the TV. Actually - as it turns out, the video editting
software has a facility to enhance 'extreme backlight' video, and
that footage from the 11th comes out kinda watchable! That's
clever. . Mum called in with food donations for chats etc. . ate
stew and buttered bread rolls and then somehow napped right
through until around 6:30pm! . . skipped the evening walk and TVd
the evening away . . touched base with BB . . ate a little
chocolate and mum donated kipling tarts . . TVd/PCd until bed
after 4am!! s
14 - Up around 7:45am . . PCd a bit of this -
ranting some more! . . walked . .PCd the day away, experimenting!
lololololol It's pretty naff but - well - kinda there-ish.
lolololol
| |
Birthday Card |
Xmas Card |
Print as above.
(Print your own greeting on the reverse)
Fold in half. |
 |
 |
. . . walked. For some reason I
appeared to be a bit wobbly and unsteady on my feet!? Assuming
that was a lack of food thing, as soon as I got home I set about
making up a large saucepan of 'stew' (while drinking a half glass
of wine). The one carrot I'd bought for the purpose some time ago
was found to have gone all soft and bendy, so that was a waste.
Chopped up a mass of potatoes and onions and boiled them up with
some frozen peas before adding a tin of stewed steak in gravy.
Actually found a tin of chopped tomatoes in the bottom of a
cupboard, and since I don't ever buy or use such things, figured
I'd get rid of it by throwing that in as well. The 'use before
date' on that tin was two years ago!!!! It must have been bought
by BB back in Bristol! Still seemed perfectly ok, which just goes
to show how much such stuff is wasted when discarded because of
the sell by date. . ate a large bowlful with a couple of (now out
of date) buttered bread rolls. . left a message on LBs ansaphone
during my cooking, asking that someone call me back at some point
to let me know how things had gone with her operation. Her guy
called in the middle of my eating and informed me it had all gone
ok and she was up and about and bossing people around and was
really in need of a glass of chardney! Yeah - that sounds like
her. lolol :o) More worryingly he said something about some
concern about a particular area which was going to have a small
second operation on Monday, I think he said!!? :o( . . TVd . .touched
base with BB . . ate just a little chocolate . . TVd until bed
around midnight. ds
13 - Up around 7:30am . . .walked and got caught
out in the rain. . PCd surfing a little and then PCd this until
mid afternoon - and it's STILL not done!!! . No - strike that -
evening and still not finished! And then there's that e-mail I
really should reply to, to say I won't be replying! Arrgg. Oh
well - tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow - and then never -
again! :o( . . Wonder how LBs doing. :o( . . couldn't face
walking and set about taking Sally out to the car and warming it
up. It was worthy of note that when I looked out before getting
dressed up to go, there wasn't another car parked in my part of
the street. Quite unusual. Parking in the street is remarkably
quite an issue - mostly because the crowd next door all seem to
have a car each. Four or five for the one house, depending on who
is about at the time. It's not unusual not to be able to park
anywhere near my own house! Anyway - so, looking out and seeing
the street almost empty was welcome, and suggested I'd be able to
get out, walk Sally, come back and be able to park nearby. By the
time I'd got out to the car, next door on one side had returned
home and parked in front of my car. Not particularly close, but
closer than desireable (given my driving in my weird new semi-auto
car) because he always seems to want to park so the doors of his
car are next to his gate. Our gates are adjacent, so that means
he generaly 'overlaps' the area in front of my house a little. As
I'm sat in my car with the engine running, wiping down
condensation from the windscreen (rain and Sally always make for
MUCH damp inside the car!) and warming it all up, one of the
young men from next door arrived in his car and proceeded to park
up behind me. Incredibly, for reasons best known to him, despite
the entire road in front of him being clear of any parked cars,
he proceeded to reverse up to within a foot of my rear bumper! I
turned my lights on to make sure he could see that I was there
and about to want to drive away, but that had no impact and he
eventually turned his car off!!! No way could I get the car out,
so I had to get out and ask him to move his car so I could - and
even then he only nudged it forward a little, so I still had
difficulty in squeezing out! What was that all about? I was SO
irritated, I accidentaly span the front wheels a little as I
raced off up the street! That's not the first time I've had
aggravation from having them park so close. The funny boxy design
of my car means that the rear hatch is pretty much verticle, and
is hinged at the top. It requires a remarkably large amount of
space behind the car to be able to open it (for getting Sally in).
More than once I've been forced to get her in the side doors
instead, because there simply wasn't enough space left behind me
to be able to open it! Irritating lack of simple consideration. .
TVd . . called LBs number and left a message on the ansaphone
saying I hoped everything was ok. . touched base with BB . . I
really do seem to 'have it in for' the BBC at the moment, but yet
again today I found much to criticise. Tonights primary news slot,
the ten o'clock news, included an interview with Clint Eastwood!!??
Had he died? Been part of a major news story? No. He's the
director of a new movie to have just come out!!!!!!!! So - what
that means is, he's out doing promotional interviews - basically
just being an advert for the film. (in the same way that 'celebreties'
only appear on chat shows etc, when they've just brought out a
new film or a book or some such). Just exactly HOW was this
worthy of being on 'the news'??
What a coup for the movie advertisers. Immediately following the
piece, the news presenter, in doing the hand over to local news
presenters said, 'for more
national and international news . .' go to the news channel etc.
So - a new moneymaking hollywood film coming out, is now somehow
regarded as national/international news!? The BBC person in
editorial control of the news should be suspended immediately,
and an internal enquiry run to clear them of any possible
allegation of having received bribes! This is actually a
disturbing trend of recent years. Another recent example was the
amount of news and other TV coverage recently given over to the
new James Bond film. Almost saturation on every channel - and at
the same time, the schedules included older James Bond films,
just to keep the same 'one big advert' ball rolling. The BBC (mandatory
licence fee and all) should be above such media manipulation. . I
watch a lot of the News 24 channel. It is a constant source of
amazement to me how a 24 hour news channel somehow manages to
cover SO little of what is actually going on out there, and is So
wrapped up in feeling obliged to report LIVE from everywhere,
even when whatever they are reporting on has happened long ago
and nothing is gained by being live at a place where nothing is
currently happening! . . what the hell has happened to common
sense? Why am I so angry about everything right now?. . .hadn't
eaten a thing all day, and still really didn't want to bother.
Don't recall ever having had so little an appetite!?? . .
eventually forced down three defrosted sausage rolls, a little
cheese, pickled onions and a pack of crisps . . TVd until bed at
midnight. sa
12 - 
Up around 7:15am again?. . PCd. Bugger!
YouTube has blocked the steam train video I did, set to an edit
of the Jimi Hendrix track 'Hear My Train A'Comin', because of the
copyright breach. That was a good one I thought. Had a bunch of
hits too. Well - on top of yesterday's nonsense, that's
compounded my sour mood and convinced me even further of the
futility and pointlessness of what I've been spending my life
doing. :o( . . .walked. Beautiful calm, clear sky sunny morning.
It'd occurred to me last night that I hadn't taken any photos of
the war memorial with all the poppies (in fact hardly taken any
photos of anything much for a long while), and it'd got into my
mind that it'd be nice to try to get a couple of Sally with them
in the background, so I eventually headed off back in that
direction. Got all caught up with doing a photo shoot of her in
the harbour on the way through. The tide was out, and a (new?)
boat which had come to my attention some little while ago had
been moved round from its previous unapproachable position, and
was high and dry right in front of the Golden Hind replica. Took
a whole bunch of photos, but sadly the light was all wrong (like
my video of the 11th - the foreground all in inpenetrable dark
shade, the distant background all in bright sunlight) and not a
single one of them was any use. Continued on back out along to
the memorial and attempted a photo shoot there, but by then Sally
was all bored and no amount of coaxing or waving of gravy bones
would get her to look at the camera for long enough to get a
decent shot, and of course once again it was all in really dark
shade. All in all, pretty much a wasted effort - which pretty
much sums everything up at the moment. :o( On the way back, the
position of the sun had changed and it was 'just' possible to
have another go at the harbour photos. Sadly, despite the better
light, the actual photos 'composition' and positioning was not as
good as what I'd acheived earlier, but at least one or two were
ok-ish. Doesn't translate very well for the small, cropped image
on here - looks better at full size. I'm still tempted to have a
go at a 'Sally-Cal' calendar some time - despite having hardly
taken any photos this year - but then again, what's the *****
point! . Eventually headed back towards BGdns. Actually - there
was loads of 'stuff' going on (diver by the slipway/cranes and
cement pouring on the new jetty/men working at low tide on a
trawler's shiny new looking propeller/etc, etc!!) but I was still
feeling pretty fed up about it all, couldn't muster the 'nerve'
it takes to pull the camcorder out and point it at people, and
didn't bother filming ANY of it and just walked on! . . PCd this
mornings poor photos and then worked on the remembrance service
video for the rest of the day, just to get that loose end tied up
and out of the way. Actually a very fiddly time consuming video
to edit down - and as usual I had a real problem with just
throwing lots of it away. I regard it ALL as 'precious'. Took
hours! It could have been a lot better, with a lot more cuts
inserted, but my mood was such I just couldn't be bothered with
putting in even more hours on it. On the plus side - I did at
least get round to learning how to use a feature of the editing
software (splitting off the videos audio track) I hadn't used up
to now. Fiddly and a bit 'buggy' but pretty cool now I know how-ish.
What I could have done to some of the old Heritage Festivel etc.
videos I laboured over for hours, if I'd had that software back
then! . took until around 7:30pm before I'd called a halt to the
editting and succcessfully uploaded the files! Pretty happy with
the result. (I had actually envisaged a potential timelapse
sequence of the parade and crowds dispersing at the end, and DID
film accordingly, but everyone was so slow going, and lots of
people had vans and cars come pick them up, etc., it just wasn't
right - and it made me laugh out loud watching it - especially
the Bently having to drive slowly down the road behind an
oblivious old guy in an electric wheelchair! - so that definitely
wasn't appropriate.) If I do end up calling a halt to video
making, as I am minded to at the moment, then that isn't a bad
one to end it all on. . drove to walk. Cold but a very clear
night. . drank a part glass of red wine while cooking up four
cheese burgers to eat . . TVd. Bizarre, but almost every program
I tuned into, and especially the local news, had huge amounts of
footage and reports with loads of young children included in the
film! Grrr. Wonder what that woman makes of all that?. . called
LB and left a message saying I was thinking about her and good
luck with her operation tomorrow. :o( . . touched base with BB. .
TVd until bed at midnight. ad
11 - Up around 7:15am. . .walked with the tripod.
Picked up a couple of bottles and some smashed glass from the
road, where last nights yobs HAD been doing exactly what I'd
thought. Hung around in BGdns for quite a while letting the time
slip by before eventually heading down around the harbour and on
back out to the war memorial to grab some footage of whatever
there was there, at 11 o'clock. They'd said during Sunday's
parade that they weren't going to be doing anything there on the
11th, because they were all heading off to a ceremony at Galmpton
apparantly. Figured it may be interesting to see if it would be
completely deserted - which may have made for an interesting
video clip in itself. Just as I climbed the steps up behind the
memorial, a crowd of young children all wearing bright yellow
fluorescent safety jackets were being marshalled along the road
by carers, to come to the memorial to lay their hand made paper
wreaths. Oh wow! How cute is THAT! Rushed to get the camcorder
out of my pocket and grabbed a quick clip of them arriving before
heading off across the road and up the steps to the filming
position the guys from the newspaper had used on the 9th. A short
while later, one of the young women who was escorting the
children, crossed over the road and came up to me and asked 'Are
you filming or taking photos?'. (I WAS filming and the
conversation was picked up by the microphone!) She then said 'Is
it ok that you don't film the children . . it's because we've got
confidentiality . . with the children, their identities, . . once
it's on a film . .'. She said it in that weird way that seems
to have been promoted by the neighbours TV show. Where every line
is said with an upwardly rising tone, as though it is a question.
My response was, "I think that's utter nonsense, it's a
public place, I will carry on". (Actually the closest I've
come to a direct confrontation and refusal to a request from
someone about anything, for as long as I can remember!!) I made
the foolish mistake of filling the awkward silence which then
ensued by saying "ok?" (see - I'm not used to having
confrontations!) , which of course led to a further exchange. 'No
that's not ok. Because I would rather you didn't film them
because some people, parents, wouldn't be happy that you're
filming their children and you then have their faces on film.' I
responded hesitantly "Are you suggesting that I may be . . .?"
'No I'm not suggesting anything. I'm proTECting my children.'
"Ok" 'And I'm asking you to just hold off
until we're finished. I'm not saying you can't film because that's
not my right. But I'm saying . . ' "Ok , ok. I
appreciate what you're saying" 'Alright.' In a 'pleading'
tone - "It's a GOLDEN moment. It's a BEAUTIFUL moment!"
'It is. I know. I know. I understand that, but I'm
protecting the children's identities and I can't let you film. I'm
sorry. It's not right. As a parent, they would be worried if
someone has got their . . it's not what you might do with it, but
it's what someone else might do with it and their faces . (-unintelligible-)'.
"I appreciate what you've said." - in a semi 'ok'
tone. To be honest, I was just looking to end the conversation -
out of principle without actually agreeing to her 'request',
because there was obviously nothing to be gained by continuing it.
With the time around 10:45am or later, and with eleven o'clock
approaching, as she began to walk away and cross back over the
road, I called out "Is it your intention to be here for long?"
'Well, we want to wait for the maroons, but I can see that .
'. I curtly interrupted whatever she was about to say and
said "Well I'm filming THAT! I'm filming that." and
with that she returned to the other side of the road and her
charges. (Actually, she was sadly unaware that the maroons were
not going to be fired, since no ceremony was planned there.) That
got me SO angry. It seemed like SUCH petty minded stupidity to me.
Don't get me wrong. I understand the issues. But it's not as
though they were kids lightly clothed on a beach, or swinging on
swings in a play area or some such. They were all in bright
yellow fluorescent jackets and were touchingly laying home made
paper wreaths on a poppy covered war memorial!! Who in their
right mind would find the recording of such a moving event
objectionable? Surely? Ok - by all means ask what the film will
be used for - ask for copies, etc etc - but to simply say don't?
In my opinion - she's lost the plot. And all concerned have lost
something precious. Look at the tear inducing pleasure which was
created by that beautiful video I happened to record, of the kids
and the Princess Royal's helicopter. I fail to see how any child's
'identity' has been compromised by that! Arrrrrggggggghhhh! That
got to me. It got to me big time - I was seething - and because
of it, although I left the camera running throughout, I didn't
dare to be seen touching the camera or trying to focus in on any
of the beautiful moments - of which there WERE many! . Even in my
anger, I imagined I'd upset her, and actually crossed over the
road at one point and forcibly made the stupid woman have a
complete set of my 'Pebbles' videos (destined for someone else,
and which just happened to be in a pocket), just so she'd know
what I was about - if she bothered to look. . 
at 11am a far
off distant boom could 'just' be heard, which was the only
indication that the hour had arrived. As it did so, the group of
children all sort of linked arms around shoulders and stood in
front of the poppy covered memorial. One or two other people were
stood nearby. It WAS a touching and beautiful moment, and I
confess I WAS moved to shed a tear. Another distant boom heralded
the end of the moment, and eventually the kids and their 'guardians-against-evil'
headed off. (I did actually ask one as they passed, which school
they were from, just in case I HAD recorded something worthwhile,
and so I'd at the very least, be able to give THEM a copy whether
they wanted it or not!). . seethed all the way home . . nervously
PCd the mornings footage. If I had something 'nice' and too
precious to discard, given what had happened, what would I do?
And yes - I HAD managed to record the conversation! Relived the 'confrontation',
and seethed some more! How on earth was I going to resist making
a spiteful video out of THAT!!!! . Funnily enough, all that was
taken care of by fate. Because the memorial was in full shade,
the higher skyline was in absolutely brilliant sunshine, and
because I'd not dared to re-position the camera to be focusing on
the kids in the shade as I'd wanted to, there was almost nothing
of any value in the footage whatsoever!! All you could see for
almost the entire time was the hint of lots of fluorescent
jackets running about in the gloom beneath a brightly lit skyline.
lolol Oh well. Just as well then - but still, a terrible loss
through petty mindedness I think. With hindsight - what a good
job the Sunday weather wasn't like that - from a filming point of
view. I'd have got almost nothing if it had been! . . gave up on
the footage and didn't even bother transferring the rest to the
PC. . . ate a couple of Mum donated pastry slices. .napped until
the alarm at 6:30pm . . woke feeling yucky, tired, and oh so very,
VERY down! In a VERY dark place all of a sudden!!!!! Obviously 'triggered'
by the incident earlier, but clearly been building up for a while.
I've just been keeping busy. Funny how it's like a switch was
clicked, and all of a sudden all this video making nonsense I've
been doing for the past many months, appeared so clearly to be a
totally pointless, stupid, utter waste of time and effort. So
much so, it's impossible to imagine ever doing another one.
Overwhelmed with wanting to have nothing to do with ANYONE, even
more than ever I have!! I really have changed over the last few
years. My desire/need to be reclusive and have very little to do
with anyone is now utterly unshakeable and fixed. Back
immediately before the 'yob' events in Bristol, I was starting to
try to challenge my 'abnormal' behaviours and was dabbling with 're-awakening'
needs, desires, hopes, aspirations and planning how to set about
a possible future life. Not now. All that's over with. In a
somewhat more 'angry' way, my attitude seems to have become,
whatever life I 'may' have once been able to acheive, that has
passed me by. I'll never be, or have, any of that 'stuff' that so
many others take for granted. I AM this way. I'm stuck with it. I'm
not the one causing all the problems of which we all suffer.
Everyone just F**K off and leave me alone! My website is SO not 'me'
any more. . . TVd. There was a new first of a two part, 'mental
health' orientated Horizon show on BBC2, which Mum had drawn my
attention to. "A fascinating experiment that aims to
destigmatise mental health issues by challenging our perceptions.
Ten volunteers, half of whom have psychiatric disorders, perform
a series of tasks under the watchful eye of three expertswho try
to work out who is who." Despite recommending an
alternative show on a different channel at the same time, which I
said , would be more interesting to watch, somehow
unwisely I DID end up watching it!! THAT was a mistake! So now
the wisdom at the BBC is to make mental health issues some sort
of a f***ing game show!! They even did that nauseating Chris
Tarrant type long, pregnant pause before we were to find out if
the health professionals ( oh boy - one of them at least, was SO
concerned of possible failure, he obviously had major issues
himself! lololol) had made the correct assessment of their guinea
pigs (actually not 'so' unwell or they couldn't have even been
there! One allegedly had social anxiety - and yet they all did a
stand up comedy spot at a pub! Social anxiety? Hardly much! Come
on - 'real' social anxiety would have made it impossible to be in
the program, let alone go doing stand up comedy, especially in a
pub of all places! I know whereof I speak!). Well - thank god I
DIDN'T reply to that BBC researcher that recently attempted to
contact me! Under current circumstances, I am no longer a
supporter of the TV licence fee system!!. . . had absolutely no
appetite whatsoever, but my stomach was aching with hunger and
doing that nauseating very loud gurgling which has become SO
familiar to me of late. (I've really been eating very little for
weeks. Just mostly surviving on constant strong cups of two-sugars
coffee, and chain smoking! On top of that - my gum disease/rotting
teeth have become SO bad, it's actually reached the point where
it is difficult to find anything I can actually chew my way
through without it being too painful/difficult or even actually
impossible! Eating crisps is now pretty hellish, and even
something as soft as a banana is problematic. :o( ) . . ate a
buttered bread roll, a tin of sausages and a tin of sausages in
beans. . .TVd until bed around 1am. aa
10 - Up around 8:45am, woken by the sound of
rain battering the window. . drove to walk late. . touched base
with Mum. . rushed up Mums when she rang, to be there to offer
moral support with the TV guys 'instaling' her new TV. All pretty
straightforward and it worked 'ok-ish' onb her old badly
positioned in the loft antenna, although I eventually got her to
agree she DID need a new one and I'll get round to buying and
fitting it. . briefly had a look at trying to fix her dripping
hot water taps, but the under sink isolation valve is faulty and
I couldn't easily turn the water off, so that'll habve to wait
for another day . . PCd the 'Vigilance' video. . logged on to the
local newspaper website and watched the remembrance day video the
guy filming next to me had made. Funny to see something filmed
from just inches away from what I'd filmed. Of course his video
was by necessity heavily edited and cut down to a neat little
four minute 'flavour' of the event. Interesting for ME to watch
though. Some bits were better, some bits were obviously not. One
shot in particular I really couldn't have lived with, where he
showed a singing crowd, that SO obviously was NOT singing what we
could hear! lol On the whole, my conclusion was - I could do that.
I'm 'at least' THAT good at it all, and that's without the 'power
to intrude' which being 'press' gives you. . . touched base with
Mum to see how she was getting on with her new fangled gadgety TV!
Ok-ish it would appear. . drove to walk. As I parked up and left
the car, a group of youths pulled up and parked on the opposite
side of the road in an 'unusual place' which drew my attention.
Walking Sally through the Gdns in the dark, I heard some smashing
glass. I sat in the dark for my cigarette as usual and heard more.
It appeared to me from my distant seat, the yobs were drinking in
the car and then hurling their empty bottles across the road to
smash in the street against the low wall beneath the railings!!
When I returned to the car, I confess I actually sat there for
quite a time, just watching them in my wing mirror. (It was too
dark to film into the mirror - I DID try!). I didn't hear any
more smashing glass, but did witness an unknowing van driver pull
up and drive through it all, litter being happily dropped into
the street beneath the yob's passenger window and a couple of
them get out to urinate against the wall. Scumbags. There are
those who would have me believe, that such behavior is actually
dealt with locally by the police if they are called! Maybe I need
to find out what the local poliec number is - but hang on. I've
played that game before haven't I - and look what it cost me!!! :o(
I eventually started the car and just drove away. . TVd . . ate
six sausages with three bread rolls and some Mum donated fudge,
and felt pretty sick as a result. . touched base with BB. . . TVd
until bed around 1am. as
9 - Up at 7:45am. . walked . . 
left Sally at home and walked down to see the
remembrance day parade and service. Got down there early enough
to have time to wander around and plan a couple of likely vantage
points for filming. Managed to grab some video of the very
beginning of the parade before picking up the still running
camera and tripod, and running as fast as I could all the way
down the harbourside walkway, to run across a flowerbed and climb
up on a low wall. Hastily managed to get the camera set up and
running (albeit not as well framed as it could have been) on the
tripod on top of a higher piece of the wall, and succeeded in
capturing the ENTIRE parade from end to end as it went by. I
hardly missed a single face (if at all). Very cool I thought. :o)
As soon as the parade had cleared, I was off the wall and back up
running through the crowd, to reach the actual war memorial
before the parade did. .
Damn. The
ideal camera position was already occupied by someone with a
fancy camera/microphone and professional looking tripod. :o(
Ended up having to take second place and perch precariously half
way up some steps with the tripod straddling the steps and
adjacent wall!!!!! Hellish! Turned out they were from the local
newspaper, doing a video for their website. Jealous of their kit!
. 
kept the camera running throughout the entire
service to capture as much of anything useful as I could, and
then stayed on and hung about afterwards, until all the crowds of
people had dispersed and I could get that 'golden shot' of the
memorial and poppies etc. left behind in the breeze. . eventually
called it quits and headed home to PC whatever I may have got. .
PCd on the footage and somehow all the way through until just
after 9pm before ending up with a decent version of 'The Parade'
video. That was a hell of a struggle! Given the sombre nature of
the event, it would have been completely inappropriate to speed
it up or set it to some other music. It just HAD to be an 'as it
happened' type of video. Should have been a lot easier, but
because of the way things went, of course I didn't have any
useful audio of most of it because the band marched past and were
soon inaudible in the distance (and some of what could have been
the most useful at the beginning, was marred by the sound of me
taking off running! lol It IS obvious isn't it? Do people realise
that when they watch my videos? I never know what I'll make of
ANY of the videos I've done, until AFTER I've recorded the
footage! NEVER the other way around - I just can't do that. ) .
Took ages to be able to cut up the audio I DID get as they passed,
and make it repeat in such a way that it 'kinda' worked for the
duration of the video. VERY difficult. Mostly happy with the
result. . ate Mum donated tongue in buttered rolls with crisps. .
. touched base with BB. . PCd until bed around 2am.
8 - Woken by Sally at 8:10am . . .walked and
back via town . . PCd until Mum arrived with food donations, for
coffee and to watch the latest videos. . as soon as Mum had left,
I left Sally at home and popped back down town to see what was
going on in the Scala hall. Posters had been put up around town
saying that the lifeboat crew were going to be there, to meet the
public and show an RNLI made film all about the Ice Prince rescue,
as a result of them having won an award at the televised 'Pride
Of Britain' awards . .when I walked in, one of the guys on the
door seemed to catch my eye and made a point of saying (I think
to me), 'so and so' is over there. Not sure if I was expected to
go and say anything, or if he said that to everyone coming in?
Because of the Lifeboat video I'd made featuring him, and because
I'd given him copies, it made me all uneasy that there may be
some trouble in store for me! Perhaps I should have gone over and
chatted - but of course I don't do that sort of thing, and just
wandered around a bit instead looking at tables of leaflets and
calendars and the like! . . sat with the small crowd and watched
the video (actually turned out to be the same one I'd seen on the
local newspaper's website). Part way through the video, Mum
arrived and took up a seat nearby. . on the way out the same guy
at the door seemed to catch my eye again (I may have imagined it),
as though he was expecting me to say something! I didn't - and
probably just looked panic stricken as I hurried out! . . seemed
like a good idea with us both being down there together, to
broach the subject of Mums intended new tv purchase, and I
suggested we should make use of the opportunity and check out the
TV store where she eventually fully intends to buy one. . It IS
without doubt, not one of the cheapest places you can buy such
things, but it's true what everyone says. You pay that extra for
some good old fashioned, proper customer service. The sales guy
was patient, knowledgable, helpful and really couldn't be faulted.
It was eventually actually possible to simplify things for Mum by
suggesting, of the two 32" sets on display, which picture do
you prefer - the cheap one or the expensive one? . . . Mum
treated me to fish and chips in a harbourside cafe and then
insisted on going into another cafe for a coffee. . on the way
past, I suggested we go back into the TV store to ask a couple
more questions and just to see if they had a DVD connected, so
she could see how my DVds looked on one of them. (Mum apparantly
is quite attached to watching my DVDs, and as such being able to
do so is a priority. Without a decent TV myself, I had no
knowledge at all of how they may appear on a new HD, widescreen
TV!) The sales guy was even happy to help with that and I was
allowed to test one of my discs on one of the two TVs. Didn't
look 'too' bad. . so, there it was. Mum was encouraged to make
things simple, after having agonised over it for literally months,
and eventually agreed that the expensive one of the two was the
best one for her to buy. At her age, why mess around short
changing yourself. Spend 'my' inheritance! lol . .incredibly,
despite not having any means to pay for it, the shop agreed to do
the sale and deliver and instal the TV on Monday - and Mum could
pay for it then, or even after!! Wow. How many shops would do
that these days? Hats off to them. Ok - I'm convinced - there IS
something to be said for buying it down there instead of cheaper
over the internet. . .walked back in the rain . felt awful and
tired and just couldn't help laying down for a bit despite being
really late. What with the wind and rain lashing the house and
the odd firework going off, I didn't manage to sleep and was then
'woken' after less than an hour by Sally needing to use the
garden. . sat in front the TV almost motionless all evening . .
ate a whole pack of Mum donated fig bars . .BB called . . to bed
at midnight. a
7 - Woken around 8am by someone blowing their
car horn to announce they'd arrived to pick someone up.
Irritating. . snoozed on briefly then up around 8:20am. .walked.
Ended up getting bogged down in BGdns for hours, chasing rainbows
with the cameras!! . . PCd the silly 'sitting on a seat' video .
. drank a little wine and ate ham sandwiches, crisps, cheese and
pickled onions. . napped until woken by Sally around 6:30pm
needing to use the garden with an upset stomach . . skipped the
walk and TVd but eventually ended up back on the PC doing the 'pilots
rendezvous' video. Nice one that I think. :o) . . touched base
with BB . . drank just a little more wine and cooked and ate
burgers and onions in buttered rolls . . PCd some more and did
the 'clouds' video with the bit of footage I've had sitting
around for months - while a hard-rain was indeed falling outside!!.
. eventually to bed getting on for 3am. dds
6 - Up around 8:15am. Hungry! . ate a biscuit
with morning coffee and cigs at the PC . .tended to Sally's 'looks-ok'
spot a little, and then walked. Passed a couple of people stopped
on the lower path in BGdns, all concerned by a mouse that was
ambling along near them. Poor thing wasn't long for this world,
evidenced by the fact that it was wandering around on a path in
broad daylight like that! It's face was covered in multiple ticks!!!
:o( Horrific. Nothing to be done for the poor thing - although I
did half jokingly suggest that it may have been a good thing to
let Sally put it out of its misery. Very upsetting. . back via
town . . PCd this, desperately trying to get on top of it after a
good couple of weeks of neglect . . drank some wine while cooking
up black pudding, burgers, onions and a tin of sausages in baked
beans. Ate with four pieces of bread and butter . . napped . .
walked. Somewhere over in the direction of the harbour and town,
someone was setting off more of those floating Chinese lantern
type things. With a gentle westerly type breeze, they slowly rose
and drifted off out to sea before eventually dimming and
disappearing. Wonder how many UFO type reports have been made
about such things. Plenty I bet. . . eventually returned via town.
. PCd . .touched base with BB . . TVd but actually failed to find
anything worth watching on ANY of the channels (except eventually
one - but that channel then broke down and became unwatchable as
a heavy rain storm rolled through). As the satellite signal broke
down and the TV breifly made that weird high pitched noise it
does, as the picture went blocky and then froze, Sally quite
literally RAN from the room! I think it MUST hurt her ears in
some way!! She hardly ever sits in the living room with me while
I'm watching TV now. She usually chooses to lay down just outside,
in the passage by the front door. The down side to that is, in
that corner is where I've placed the big brass cannon shell I was
given, which I polished up a little. With Sally's fur remaining
damp for hours after a rainy walk, a large portion of the shell
is exhibiting signs of green staining where she tends to lay
against it! . . to bed around 1:30am. s
5 - Up at 8:20am. . straight on the PC to see
that Obama had won the US election. Good. . walked and returned
via town. Seemed strangely quiet everywhere. Bumped into the
singing guy who despite my saying 'absolutely NOT', insisted on
dashing into a newsagent and buying me a small pouch of tobacco,
as a thank you for the discs etc I think!!. . at some point while
out this morning, I discovered how bad the lump on Sally's neck
had become - although actually in a good way. What has been a
worrying below the skin lump for a while had actually 'risen to
the surface' and taken on the form of a large squeezable 'spot',
kinda. As soon as we got home I got a needle from my sewing box,
and got her to lay down on the floor in the conservatory to let
me operate on it. Over time, Sally has developed a vast
understanding of my vocabulary. 'Let-me-have-a-look' repeated in
a certain way, while being insistant ('Wait. WAIT!') about her
staying put and not moving, and repeating 'oh-deear' in a
concerned way seems to enable her to understand that something
unpleasant is liable to be done to her, but for her own good. The
perfect patient, she lay on the floor and let me find the spot,
part her fur, lance it with the needle and then give it a real
good expressing squeeze - which MUST have been painful. Eeeewwww,
eeeeww, eeewwww!!! Without going into too much detail - there was
an initial amount of explosive decompression, which went far and
wide! (I should have worn a face mask!! Eeewwwww) The good news
was, I managed to express a VERY large amount of thick poison,
eventually ending up with a more healthy bit of a bleed. It's not
unusual for her to get the occasional spot like that, but this
one was particularly huge and nasty. Hopefully it'll now just
heal up like normal (after maybe another gentle squeeze from time
to time). She didn't object at all to the procedure, and was
suitably rewarded with some Mum donated gravy bone treats. She is.
She really IS a fantastic dog.. . PCd and eventually called a
halt to the 'Brick In The Wall' video. Bet that one eventually
gets spotted and blocked for copyright breach, being Pink Floyd
and all. Weird how YouTube works with all that. Only today they
informed me they'd spotted the copyright breach on the 'waves
over a man on the breakwater' video (uploaded back in April!) -
although thankfully it's a 'UMG' one and as usual they've allowed
it to remain up, with adverts. I still think that is a stunning
piece of film and would have been really disappointed to have 'lost'
that one from 'sharing'. . drank most of a glass of red wine
while frying bacon, black pudding and potatoe to eat with two
pieces of bread and butter. . attempted to touch base with BB but
her phone appears to have been cut off!! Times are hard for her!
:o( . . napped until around 6pm . . ummd and ahhd before
eventually deciding to walk with Sally 'up the hill' to see what
the view would be like, what with it being bonfire night and all.
Wow - it's turned milder again. Overheated badly in so many
layers, rushing to get up on the hill before I missed something.
Turned out there were a couple of groups of young people with the
same idea, sat up there in the dark a little distance below me.
Visibility was pretty poor and as was the case last year as I
recall, there really weren't many fireworks to be seen at all.
VERY much quieter than it used to be in Bristol. In fact, it was
SO quiet, despite having the tripod all set up and ready to go, I
didn't even bother pressing the record button on the camcorder!
Stuck it out up there sitting next to Sally on the grass in the
dark until around 8:30pm before giving it up as a bad job and
heading back down (with difficulty) by torch light. Passing the
church, it was clear from the trumpeting that the remembrance
service I'd seen advertised, was still underway. Seemed a really
bizarre time for a remembrance service, with firework explosions
going on outside - but I guess that could have given it a whole
different atmosphere - as if it was shellfire kinda. . .TVd . .
PCd this . . BB called briefly. .should have eaten something but
I just couldn't face having to go fix anything. . coffee and
cigarettes and PCd until bed around 2am. a
4 - Up at 8:30am. . . walked . . PCd and after
having trouble finding some appropriate music, eventually ended
up on line and stumbled upon THE perfect bit of music for the 'Yacht
club slipway'/digger video - 'Scoop - Drop It'. I'd actually
filmed that 'sideshow' footage on the stills camera, handheld,
while the camcorder was fixed on the tripod filming the 'main
event' - the new jetty wall building work for a timelapse. Shame
that the stills camera seems to only record at 30fps and in NTSC
format. As a result, converting the footage back down to PAL and
25fps makes it noticeably different and poorer in quality. Still
- pretty handy as a back up, for just such occasions. . finished
and uploaded the video and then ate ham and grated cheese rolls
with crisps. . . napped until around 6:15pm . . skipped the
evening walk . .BB called briefly . . PCd through until midnight
on the 'Brick In The Wall' video - and only called it quits then
after the software crashed - AGAIN!!. . TVd . . ate bowls of
muesli. . TVd until bed around 2am. s
3 - Woken by Sally at 8am. . . walked. . PCd,
mostly burning a few discs. Used up the last of my expensive
glossy photo paper and managed to print off half a dozen of the
cute Sally image I used as a christmas card last year, because
Mum said she wanted some to send this year. .popped up the road
and dropped off a couple of discs of music I'd promised him, into
the singing guys house . . ate ham rolls, crisps and chocolate. .
.napped . . walked . . PCd video. . touched base with BB . . PCd
until early again. . ate a chicken and mushroom pastry slice,
crisps and buttered ginger cake around 1:30am before eventually
to bed.
2 - Up around 8:15am, woken by Sally again I
think . . walked. Filmed a bit in BGdns from the necessary
shelter of one of the gun emplacements, but would you believe it,
ended up being in the wrong place at the wrong time yet again. I
missed the lifeboat going out into some roughish seas against the
wind!!!!! Damn damn damn! Will I EVER get the footage of that I
want?!!! Instead of disappearing off round Berry Head on a shout
as I'd imagined they would, it eventually appeared that they were
just out going up and down kinda playing with the waves! Damn
damn damn! What I'd have given to have been all set up and ready
to film from over by the Breakwater. I couldn't stand it - and
eventually raced off with Sally heading in that direction. I even
ran part of the way!!! . I reached the end of the Breakwater just
past the lifeboat station, just as the damn lifeboat had finished
playing and was sedately coming back into the sheltered harbour.
Bugger! From what I saw a little later - a handful of people
hanging around with a professional looking camera etc - I
gathered they were maybe doing a few manouvers in the rough for
some filming. Humph. :o( Ended up walking back out by the
swimming pool pointing the camera at this and that along the way,
but it really did feel like 'one of those days', where whatever I
try to film just doesn't work out. Eventually headed back feeling
frozen cold again . . PCd . . drank a glass of red wine while
cooking bacon, black pudding, fried potatoes and bread for a big
feed . . napped until the alarm at 7pm Jk called to touch base. .
walked. . PCd . . BB called briefly . . PCd through until around
3am before bed! . . Received a (genuine sounding) e-mail from
someone who was organising some sort of 'tackling social anxiety
event' and suggesting I may wish to get in contact/attend. ( http://www.leadinglight.org.uk/ ). You know what - despite having been
through a bunch of 'events' of one description or another over
the years (and 'therapy' of course) and now having a completely
bleak view of such things, I may have actually contemplated
looking into that, had it not been on what is now to me, the
other side of the planet, and indeed, in the very heart of all I
would seek to avoid - London! Totally out of the question of
course - not least of all because of simple logistics. Sally,
petrol costs etc. Indeed - it's almost tempting to ponder such a
thing and write an amusing play (perhaps not disimilar in ways to
that rather disappointing comedy TV show from years ago, called 'Dear
John' which was about a lonely hearts group). I've more than once
imagined writing such a play, ever since the year of weekly
therapy group meetings I attended when I crashed out of work.
Could very easily make up some seriously amusing characters. I
mean - it's mental health isn't it - sky's the limit, and oh WHAT
fun you could have in developing the characters of the so called
health professionals, who always seem as flawed as many of their
patients. Only trouble with the 'play' concept - if it was going
to be about avoidants, that's the end of the idea right there.
Because - well - by their very nature - they wouldn't be there -
or at least not for long!!!! . sadly, as is always the case with
me, most especially in recent times, I didn't even reply and just
shouldered a little more guilt as a consequence. . Actually -
there was a message I recieved from somone else, back on the 6th
October which I don't think I've ever mentioned here, so wrapped
up in video making have I been. It came via YouTube!! It was
allegedly (and by way of the reply address, 'actually') from a
BBC documentary researcher 'researching a possible
documentary on personality disorders. It would be great if I
could have a chat with you sometime about avoidant personality
disorder'. It even had a phone number etc. Once upon a time (and
yes - pre Bristol yob stuff) I would probably have jumped at such
a chance. To be able to in some small way 'publicise' the issue,
and afford other suffering people the relief of recognising the
traits. To enable others to have the release of that golden 'ereka'
moment, when they first discover the diagnostic criteria and
characteristics of the disorder, and how it applies to them.
After years of SUCH difficulty in their lives, to finally have a
clue as to why. I mean, lets face it, that was what my website
and it's shamless plagiarism of the AvPD stuff was all about when
I first set it up. I wanted to shout it all from the rooftops.
BUT . . time moves on and things change - or maybe actually that's
the rub. For some they may not. I dunno. Impossible to express
what I feel - whatever that nay be. For whatever reason, I didn't
jump at the chance. I just felt, overwhelmingly, I've done my bit,
leave me out of it. I agonised over that mail for more than a
week (actually probably several), before eventually deciding in
true avoidant style, that I'd left it so long now anyway, there
was little point in actually acknowledging receipt of it or
worrying about it any further! So I just accepted a little more
guilt to carry. . now, having said all that (or not - because I
didn't type many words for everything I just went through in my
mind!) with hindsight, what with the Ross/Brand affair, and my
increasing feelings of negativity toward the BBC and its programs
and program makers, I think it was probably just as well I didn't
get in touch with them!
1 - Woken by Sally earlier then up around 8:30am
. .walked. Felt even colder this morning! None of the usual dog
walking crowd hung around long. .given a large sack of meat
scraps and bones for Sally, to carry home. . PCd on the little 'to
be or not to be' video snippet. Took a rediculously long time to
be able to come up with that one - but I think it was worth it!
God I'm so cold! . . Mum called in with food donations etc. . PCd
more. .ate corned beef, mayo, cheese, tomato and lettuce
sandwiches with crisps. . PCd more as the weather deteriorated
into rain. . skipped the evening walk again . . TVd. . ate Mum
donated pork pie slice, cheese, onion, crisps, chocolate and some
buttered ginger cake. . touched base with BB . . eventually to
bed after 1am. s
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